Hi Mark, I agree with PDT and Antlers. No need to ask her, just do it and not include her.
Here is the pattern I see with you and the Mrs. Mark.
Now listen hard here because you do this again and again and again.
Mark, you need to stop looking to her for reassurance. Everytime you do this, she discourages it and you get upset.
SHE IS NOT IN A PLACE TO GET BACK WITH YOU.
RIGHT NOW, SHE DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE MUCH TO DO WITH YOU UNLESS IT'S FOR YOU TO DO HER A FAVOR.
So, for your own sanity, you need to keep poking yourself in the wounds and stop hurting yourself. You know it hurts, you test it, poke it, it hurts.
Are you hearing me? Re-read your posts if you need to. It will make sense when you re-read.
Mark, you keep asking her to come back, in your own way, and you expect her to change her answer. It's not going to happen. Not unless you put the work in yourself, take the pressure off her and put some time and distance between the two of you.
Anticipation is not about fulfilling her every desire, wish, everything at her command. Anticipation only works when she wishes to participate. Otherwise, it's wasted energy and from what I read, you are depressed and your depression saps your vital energy.
So, by all means, anticipate your children's needs. Anticipate your down periods by doing things that you enjoy. Better your life with volunteer work and job hunting activities. Improve your mood with fitness and healthy exercise.
But LEAVE HER ALONE. GET HER OUT OF YOUR MIND.
I am saying this so that you can save yourself from more heartache.
Put 'saving your marriage' for another day. Give yourself and your W a break.
This is your 180. Do something different. No more pressure on you or on her.
I hope you can understand where I am coming from.
Mark,
I've not been able to succinctly put my finger on it, and then I read this. THIS is what you are doing, and what is causing your pain.
I hope you'll re-re-re-RE-read this, and print it out and save it, and then follow PM's advice.
I know this hurts. I also know it needs to happen.
