Kids and I had a nice day. Took them to tennis lessons in the afternoon. Then watched a movie together after dinner time. It's quite nice to know that H won't show up because he won't be here to ruin the mood. I am getting used to the idea of not having him around and it's not awful anymore.
SilverFox, you are right. You try and try and try and one day you wake up and think, 'Wow, I don't care so much anymore.' It's actually a huge relief.
I have no one to answer to but myself now. I don't have to answer to my kids because they know he has moved out. My parents are supportive whatever I do and it's SO GOOD to live an open, honest life with no inner turmoil or conflict.
I am true to myself, I am not lying to myself and I am not trying to turn around the situation.
I have finally achieved acceptance, I think, and it feels good.
This morning, I talked with an older friend of mine who has much more experience in life than I do. And while talking with her, I realize, actually, that I DON'T want this 'new' H in my life. In fact, he is toxic. He is unreliable and I just can't even plan my day. It's too stressful!
I need to get the toxic out of my life or else I would get sick.
Not having him around today just showed me that how peaceful life would be without his lies, excuses and guilty conscience around.
I now realize how lucky I am to be the LBS, as opposed to the WAS.
As LBS, I can live a life with no regrets, I tried my best. He didn't try at all. I gave it my all. I can now move on with a clear conscience.
He will have to live with his guilt and shame and more lying (to kids about presence of OW) for the rest of his life. How sad, what a fool.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
