Ok, there's a reason I'm on this thread at 5 in the morning. Need some advice before I proceed... woke up and decided that I want to give H a deadline to move out from OW by the end of June. I don't know if deadlines are against DB (adding the pressure), but I'm thinking its my next best course to put this sitch into its proper order. I'm thinking that the deadline is really not my deadline, it is calling H on his crap and having him stick to his word. What do you think?
Hi Vicky,
I don't like communicated deadlines. The problem with them is, if you give a wayward spouse a deadline of June 30th, you will invariably see NO movement on your sitch until June 29th, at which point they will promise you the moon and the stars to get you to back away from the cliff on them. You basically give them "permission" to do as they please until one day before your deadline, kwim? It's like giving terrorists a withdrawal date -- they'll just wait you out.
Now, I DO think it's healthy to give YOURSELF a deadline, and even to let your wayward spouse know that you HAVE one -- but it should be a vague "I won't wait forever" and not communicated to them.
