Ok, there's a reason I'm on this thread at 5 in the morning. Need some advice before I proceed... woke up and decided that I want to give H a deadline to move out from OW by the end of June. I don't know if deadlines are against DB (adding the pressure), but I'm thinking its my next best course to put this sitch into its proper order. I'm thinking that the deadline is really not my deadline, it is calling H on his crap and having him stick to his word. What do you think?
So some back, H has been saying that he is working on things and will be moving out to go back to his parents house. He's told everyone this - me, my mother, his parents. The other day he told me that he talked to his father and told him that we have been planning this and he will be moving back there to work on the marriage. H says he wants me back and he wants to put things back together again. But we agreed that we have a lot we need to fix and he needs to be sure of what he's doing so we don't want him comign straight back home. All this being words and not actions because H has not mvoed out as yet.
Then, some update, I really suck at this hold DB thing because I am not consistent. I cam back home on Thurs after travelling for work and I actually called H, which I was extremely nervous and unsure about and asked him to buy me some dinner. H was shocked and confused wanting to know how come I called him. Although I don't do other DB techniques well, I've been good at showing H that I don't need him. Actually my mother and sister feel that that's one of our problems that I'm too independent and makes H feels like he's not needed. So anyway, H came over and we ate and chatted and had a good evening. H actually ended up sleeping at home after all these months. He talked about how he misses his home, he shouldn't have left, and that he wants us to go back to where we were. He even talked about how he's been thinking that like if he has a function at work or something that he would have to go alone because he wouldn't take OW there. Dah, no man takes a street-girl and tries to make her wife, but I didn't say that. I was even able to ask H to have us pray and he prayed and asked God to put things back right and I prayed and aske that he helps us mainly me to remember that a little boy is also involved and that we do right by him. I even said to H that I'm going to try to believe him and that he better not make a fool out of me.
So, since H slept home, OW was on fire. I guess she is feeling that she is losing H because since from Wed night I started back getting private calls with no answer and so I knew it must be here. I wasn't even in the city and had not talked to H at all. The second time she called me the Wed nite I answered and said in a real happy voice, please stop calling me, I'm in a happy place in my life, thank you and gooooodbyeeee. She didn't call back. Then on Thurs when H was here. Private calls again, so I knew it was here. First two calls I answered, then at like 1:50am the phone woke us up and I answered and said H the phone, since he was tired and confused he took it and said hello. No answer so he said what you give the phone to me for. I know he was a bit pissed off but I loved it. Then I turned the volume off the phone, when I woke up 13 additional missed calls throughout the night - she did not sleep. She even texted me saying I don't know what my husband is doing, he's a dog, there a secret about him that I'm going to find out soon. Yes, it put me on alarm and made me nervous and wondering what the hell is it now. I showed H the text and he said he doesn't know what she's talking about. Then I figure, what the heck, any secret just leave it up to God. There is tons that I already don't know and none of it will pay my bills or make me any better.
Anyway, bottom line, I need H to stick to his word. He's been saying that he's moving so I think I need to give him a deadline. I feel I have to call him on his word. H suffers from not keeping his word quite often. I think I want to let him know that he said he would, he has 30 days to figure it all out, and that will show me whether he really wants to begin mending this M.
Please let me know if you think the deadline is good or bad. I need to hear from you guys before I proceed. Thanks
