please dont hurt yourself anymore with the OW. i cant make it any simplerfor you. let her GO. who cares what he did to HER. this is a war and the fact SHE is a casualty isnt your worry.
LET '
HER'
GO'
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
FF and Puppy, I am well aware of the fact that this woman is no friend to my M and I understand and agree with everything that you posted. I guess what I was trying to get across was that it was a good conversation for me because it cleared up some things in my mind. I also know that it drove home the point for both of us, what a selfish person H truly is.
We are not going to be BFFs or anything remotely "Outer Limits" like that, drunk yes...in need of a helmet, no.
The only drama surrounding it was him trying to wiggle out of the situation he has created and not being able to lie his way out of it. The cats out of the bag, so to speak.
Thats all I was trying to get across. Did some of it hurt? Sure it did, but it was a healing kind of hurt. A lot of my assumptions/imagination about there R were put to rest. It was a huge step forward for me, as well as her I think.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
FF and Puppy, I am well aware of the fact that this woman is no friend to my M and I understand and agree with everything that you posted. I guess what I was trying to get across was that it was a good conversation for me because it cleared up some things in my mind. I also know that it drove home the point for both of us, what a selfish person H truly is.
We are not going to be BFFs or anything remotely "Outer Limits" like that, drunk yes...in need of a helmet, no.
The only drama surrounding it was him trying to wiggle out of the situation he has created and not being able to lie his way out of it. The cats out of the bag, so to speak.
Thats all I was trying to get across. Did some of it hurt? Sure it did, but it was a healing kind of hurt. A lot of my assumptions/imagination about there R were put to rest. It was a huge step forward for me, as well as her I think.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
FF and Puppy, I am well aware of the fact that this woman is no friend to my M and I understand and agree with everything that you posted. I guess what I was trying to get across was that it was a good conversation for me because it cleared up some things in my mind. I also know that it drove home the point for both of us, what a selfish person H truly is.
We are not going to be BFFs or anything remotely "Outer Limits" like that, drunk yes...in need of a helmet, no.
The only drama surrounding it was him trying to wiggle out of the situation he has created and not being able to lie his way out of it. The cats out of the bag, so to speak.
Thats all I was trying to get across. Did some of it hurt? Sure it did, but it was a healing kind of hurt. A lot of my assumptions/imagination about there R were put to rest. It was a huge step forward for me, as well as her I think.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Sugar - step very carefully here. Take the conversation for what it was and dont compare notes anymore. IF you want to save your M (and your H could be a complete piece of crap - who knows) but, if you are in this to save your M...put your armor back on. OW is going to fight for him especially now that she has some intel on your R with H from YOU!. Just be careful sweetie. As decent as the OW may seem....she hurt you, she didn't and doesn't care about you. OW in my sitch is living with my H, has a baby with him and two kids by some other guy- she's never been married...just drops babies all over the place. I know that her son, is my daughter's brother. Someday...I'll deal with this and hopefully welcome him into our home as her brother. I have told H that. But, THAT woman is not welcome in my life. She will have to be part of K's.....maybe, if they last that long. I'll deal with K and her relationship with OW when the time comes. But, as far as I am concerned OW doesn't exist in my happy world.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Sugar - step very carefully here. Take the conversation for what it was and dont compare notes anymore. IF you want to save your M (and your H could be a complete piece of crap - who knows) but, if you are in this to save your M...put your armor back on. OW is going to fight for him especially now that she has some intel on your R with H from YOU!. Just be careful sweetie. As decent as the OW may seem....she hurt you, she didn't and doesn't care about you. OW in my sitch is living with my H, has a baby with him and two kids by some other guy- she's never been married...just drops babies all over the place. I know that her son, is my daughter's brother. Someday...I'll deal with this and hopefully welcome him into our home as her brother. I have told H that. But, THAT woman is not welcome in my life. She will have to be part of K's.....maybe, if they last that long. I'll deal with K and her relationship with OW when the time comes. But, as far as I am concerned OW doesn't exist in my happy world.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
I just dont think it does your headspace any good to 'chat' with an OP about anything, other than say, ONE talk, just to ascertain whats going on. ie if your partner denies an affair you have a right to ASK, and get the truth, from the OP. but other than that conversation, I think all others are useless.
I only ever spoke to the OW once and it was very damaging to my psyche and I just cannot recommend it. I know very well OW will be very hurt and OW will one day have a lot she wishes she could say to me (beleive me she will, shes my kids COUSIN.) but guess what. Im not gonna listen. I do not CARE if she finally regrets her actions in 10 years. LIVE WITH IT
forgivness is v imporant, but it neednt be done to THEM so THEY get satisfaction and a feeling of walking scott free from what they did. let them eat cake! forgive inside yourself but never express to THEM. they dont deserve it at ALL. ive spoken at length about this with my kids too bc I know OW might try to talk to THEM one day (its not like shes much older.) and I said to them the same thing: DONT listen to her. shes done ENOUGH damage. She can never apologise enough so dont even give her the chance. let her LIVE with this now, her and her family. WORDS arent going to change the past or present...
in fact I truly think talking to them makes it so much worse bc you realise what an IDIOT they are for the most part and you DO feel sorry for them which makes you feel even DIRTIER on the cheating spouse. considering when kids are involved thats not exactly healthy and as pup so right points out, very DRAMA filled. its best to continue to see them as a shadow and never let that shadow become too REAL to you... bc you dont need her thoughts and feelings muddying already turmoiled waters
prayers to all and blessings... every day is closer to peace xoxoxo
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
I'm glad that being able to put together some of the missing pieces has helped you heal a bit, but what happens now? You know your H isn't capable of being truthful to ANYONE. How much more of this can you allow yourself to take?
(((S&S)))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
