WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[confusedinpa]

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change (Her)
Courage to change the things I can (Me)
and the wisdom to know the difference.

What you need to learn. You have the KNOWLEDGE of what to do you need the WISDOM to use that knowledge.

It doesn't GET easier you have to make it easier by what you're doing. If you sit around and wish and hope it will, it won't, it takes a lot of work.

Thanks Volleydog,

The day after she moved out, I had bought a plaque of that and hung it in one of the spots where she had taken a wall decoration from in the kitchen.

I look and read it everyday (along with a couple more that I had hung up to fill vacated wall space).

I'm guessing the wisdom you are talking about is the knowledge that I will feel powerless if I try to change her as the only person that I can control and change is myself. I just don't know what I'm changing into. Part of me wants to take the easy way out of changing back to the emotionless, whatever it takes person that got me through growing up in the streets of Brooklyn. But I know that's wrong as it will not make me the Dad or the example I want to be for my boys. So I will stay on the "high road", no matter the pain that I must endure.

I just don't understand why I can't stop getting emotional over the last couple of days (since Weds when she said she had an appointment so she couldn't make our 3 year olds Baseball and the phone call Weds nite where she took to heart what I said about giving false hope to my boys will just add to the hurt). I've really got to get it under control. My 3 year old gave me a big hug tonite with a kiss saying he hoped I feel better. I asked him what he meant. He said from feeling sad.

While he was playing video games, my 7 year old saw me looking at houses on the web and asked me if I was ok as I was sad. I told him that I may have to sell the house as I was running out of money but we will find a new home together (the 2 boys and I). He started crying as he didn't want to sell the house as he liked the house. I told him that I will try my best but if I have to, we will pick out a new home together. Tonite, when I put him to bed, he started crying about it again. Maybe it was wrong for me to tell him, but I didn't want to lie to him. In hindsight, I think I shouldn't have told him......