"The GIft of Change" is a book by Marianne Williamson that helped me (and my mom) deal with what appeared to be/felt like HUGE losses in our lives. For me, I did not lose my h after all, but had so much pain of course, and FEAR of never reconciling, never remarrying, lliving on the streets, getting super fat and alcoholic and ...well, you get the picture. (No, NONE of those things were likely but you know how fears can take over sometimes... etc.)
BUT with that book, along with something in me, sort of "clicking" (maybe getting sick and tired of feeling sick and tired??) I began to see the positives and when that happened for real, I CHANGED. Who knows if this is the reason, BUT then H noticed and began his own journey back. But my changes were not tactics for my life IS still different and still changing and if h were to die or leave again, I would more than survive. I love him, and think we're making it and all. BUT I'm very alright being on my own now. I see the advantages and also, I GET that sometimes we have no choice and in THOSE CASES it's insane not to look at the positives.
Oh, Marianne Williamson also wrote a book about handling anger and learning to forgive. I think THAT book (the anger/forgiveness one) is called "Return to Love" and I had that one on my Ipod and took it EVERYWHERE I WALKED AND JOGGED so I could hammer it into my head...or go nuts...it had exercises for forgiveness that were helpful to ME even though not everyone is into that type of stuff. I think we all know in our heads that forgiving is a good idea ....but HOW? I never saw it modelled in my childhood. My parents yelled and retreated...I saw no conflict resolution and I NEVER saw my dad apologize until he was on his death bed. (HE meant it then though, but as for what forgiveness looks like, I just did not know)....I was SO angry and did not know how not to be....so I got help and saw a good T, who gave me the book Return to Love and worked with me AND II learned from those books, and a great workshop I attended awhile back, and from some exercises AND talks with a good pro-M c, and a good friend of mine who forgave HER husband and a male friend of ours who forgave HIS w, and from people HERE....resources exist. We need to know what it looks like to do it. Same for detaching and I see a HUGE connection between forgiveness and detaching...
Anyhow...let me know if you've read anything lately that hits you. (Of course I can still ignore you...but seriously, aside from the pile of books next to my bed, I really do read what smart people find good. There's always going to be some value in it. You know? And the Blue Like Jazz (which was at the bookstore and not at the library yet) book came at the same time I saw someone HERE (diff thread of course) lambasting their LBSer with religion and that was SO on point as to how we misuse God...
Gotta go, take care! J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
