It has been so long since I have posted and there is such a long story in between...
The bones of it - H dropped the Bomb and filed - had EA possibly PA - met Michele and had intensive. A year later, almost to the date, we are still married... Happily so?? I am not so sure. I have some serious security issues, the contact between H and OW is minimal, however, is still there. There is love, there is affection all of which I wished for, hoped for and prayed for. But I am still looking and hoping for a "re-committment".
I just don't know where to post any of this - are we piecing? The jealousy I feel and the anger that comes with that are alomst too much for me to bear. Somedays I feel I might be better off having him leave.
Last year after the Bomb, he left out of the country for "business" though it is a fact he also met with the OW, it just so happens he spent our 15th wedding annivesary with her. I can't tell you all the thoughts I have about that.... We're they laughing at me, making plans to be together forever??? Its that time of year again and I just got word he will be going out of town (in the states, she lives in the Philippines) but again he could be gone on our anniversary. I'm a little miffed. I have done all this work, learning to show him love the way HE needed to be shown love, changing MYSELF in hope that he would in someway start to learn to love me the way I needed him to. I'm beginning to think Iam a schmuck - that I have been doing this all for nothing, that in the end he will never acknowledge me the way I need to be acknowledged. He can't even spit out the word, "Boy Honey, you like nice.." And I am beginning to get a complex....
I don't know where to start, post or just to give up...
Someone PLEASE point me in the right direction..
Me - 38 H-36 DD - 15 S- 19 Together -almost 18 years M - 16 The Bomb - May 24th 2008 Meeting with Michelle July 7, 2008 Status - I moved out Sept 2009
Everything that I have read, be it DB DR or one of the other MANY self help books I have studied since H left me, says that "piecing" takes a LONG TIME!!! DR also says that if you want to change someone, do something different. If you have already shown love and done things to change yourself...and you are still married, you are doing something right. Now maybe GAL...more. Stand up for yourself more, and tell H (in a nice and productive way) what you want to do for your Anniversary...whether you spend it on the actual date or not...or pick a new date for it...like the date of getting back together...especially if the old one brings you too many bad painful memories. I am no DB coach or counselor...just throwing a few ideas out there... I was also thinking that you could do each day what my therapist tells me...and that is to look in the mirror each day and ask yourself "if my life continued as it is RIGHT NOW...how long would I be ok with it??" Some days the answer will be different...but it is a good way to check in with yourslef each day and make sure you aren't letting time pass by without DOING anything proactive, either for yourself or the Marriage. Good luck...I have faith you will be led in the right direction. hope you are doing ok!
Hi, tmarie, I posted to you on your newcomers thread. I wasn't aware you had started a new one. Is there any possibility you could go out of town with your H? Or just fly out to him on your anniversary day and return the next?
And the others are right on, piecing DOES take a long time. It's not like a miracle of God, where it happens in an instant. It takes a lot of work, on yourself, and on figuring out what got your M in this shape, how to change what you can change for the better. Patience is something we all have to have. Lots of it.
Remember, your H also has to work on himself. It may take him time to stop the ow contact. It took my H more than a year and a half to stop. And I now have to start giving him my trust to keep it that way. Be careful of how you approach him with your doubts and misgivings. You are in a very delicate place right now.
Is this the best place to talk with you ? (I hope it is).
I've just read the last few post on this thread and the others are spot on in what they are saying.
Also at this point I have to add that this is about you now, and can be done just with you, but you will need to be more detached (from H) and become the real you or a new you. ( I hope that made sense).
Anyway tell me more about the Philippines, and why you think you need an investigator to track your H over there and what you think you may find, and what you think you will do with the information.
