Renee, If you had done any reading at all of the postings, current and the archives, you would have read that the other woman/man are part of his/her journey. They are self-medicating and if that other person makes them feel good, they will hang w/them. They are not considered the enemy, we are. In their eyes, we are the problem, i.e., why they are so unhappy.
During their journey in finding themselves, they will self-medicate, i.e., it could be booze, drugs, gambling, internet, porn, women, men, experimenting in alternative life styles, change in music, food, drink, clothes, cars, hobbies, etc. Their journey can include one or all of the above. They've gone back in time to a time and place where they were emoitonally stunted and have to grow up from there, which could include experimenting/dating other people.
In time, if he's in a mlc, the facade will crack, but it will not crack until the affair dies a slow death of its own. We cannot interfere in any way. The more we push and try to point out that what they are doing is wrong, the more they will defend the other person and stay w/them.. I suspect that if your xh does marry her, it will take a while for him to realize that his problems followed him and as they say, history will repeat itself.
In order for you to better understand what transpires, I would suggest that you go back and read and/or re-read a lot of the postings in the archives, especially those by MGoBlue. There is a lot of valuable information in the archives and I believe you will find many of your answers there.
BTW, I'm not being harsh, I'm trying to show you where to go to learn about these things on your own so that you can refer back to them whenever you have questions when posters are not available to come here and answer them for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
