WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 9

[confusedinpa]

Don't know why I'm struggling so much this week. I think its because what little hope I had is fading before in my heart. I'm sure I imagined the hope and reality is just sinking in now that its going on 6 weeks since she moved out

I stayed home with my boys today as my 7 year old was fighting a stomach bug. I had him call her last nite to let her know how he was doing. Tonite when he tried to call, she wasn't at her apartment. Of course all the negative thoughts are running through my head again

I think this is why I haven't had the boys call her. I don't want to know what she's doing. It hurts more now than it did 2 weeks ago. I just don't get it. I thought its suppose to get easier, not harder

I feel powerless as I know there is nothing I can do about her. I know that the only thing I can do is make me the best CIPA I can be. I still don't see how this will get her back when she isn't around.

I want to pursue but know everyone will break out the 2x4's telling me that's just going to push her away. Pressure will not help here. It hasn't before so I would have to be a fool to expect different results. She knows my feelings haven't changed.

Maybe that's part of the problem. She may think that I will be waiting forever.

I did get the child support stipulation from my lawyer that I need to get her to sign. I just need to figure out when to bring it up. Any suggestions?