Well looks like we're back up. So, I hadn't heard from H regarding his visitation tonight. He wanted to switch from every other weekend to every Friday through June. Yesterday afternoon, I texted him and just said that I was double checking that he would have K tonight....no reply. 2 hours later Me: "Helllloooo? McFly? Can you please confirm that you are taking K tomorrow night" H: Can't have work on sat early sorry Me: Next time ca u let me know rt away so my plans dont get messed up. Im HAPPY 2 have the xtra time with her H: just found out today sorry ur plans got screwd up Me: Jst next time pls dont wait 4 me 2 asku. jst tell me. I dont mind keeping her. I jst dont appreciate the last min stuff. Its time you lose with her. Doesn't affect me. And, dont feel bad, my plans arent ruined. I found a sitter. No worris
Yes, yes..I know. I played a bit of the guilt card. Why? Because I know he is lying about working. I already know he decided to go to some party with OW instead of having his daughter. Its the idea that he lied about it. If he wanted to switch Fri for Sat...no problem. But he didnt. He just doesn't want her. So he wont see her for two weeks. My Mom told me this was going to happen...that the novelty would wear off and he wouldn't want her as often. And, to think, he used to scream obscenities at me because he said that I was keeping his daughter from him. That he would see her everyday, if he could. Well? He can. He isn't!!!
Loser. Oh, and I don't have a babysitter. I cancelled my plans. I'm fine with that. It's part of being a parent. There are going to be times when your plans have to be cancelled. It's more time for me to have with my daughter. I just told him that because my Mom thinks he gets some kind of joy out of ruining things for me.
So, I don't anticipate seeing or hearing frm him until next Friday. IF he decides he wants her on his Friday, or not.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
I went through this with my exh - always forgetting and just taking off to conferences for work?, seeing his GF etc. I think it is a male thing and not necessarily on purpose. You may have to get used to calling in advance to remind him - that way you don't have to cancel plans at the last minute. If it helps, exh got a little better over time - never perfect though.
I went through this with my exh - always forgetting and just taking off to conferences for work?, seeing his GF etc. I think it is a male thing and not necessarily on purpose. You may have to get used to calling in advance to remind him - that way you don't have to cancel plans at the last minute. If it helps, exh got a little better over time - never perfect though.
I went through this with my exh - always forgetting and just taking off to conferences for work?, seeing his GF etc. I think it is a male thing and not necessarily on purpose. You may have to get used to calling in advance to remind him - that way you don't have to cancel plans at the last minute. If it helps, exh got a little better over time - never perfect though.
The sad thing is...I know he can't remember ANYTHING. So, in we sat down and drew out a calendar. We both have a copy. He has one. I have one. He did this on purpose. I know him. That is why he didn't respond to my first text. He was thinking of an excuse. Sorry. I do hope it will get better. I do. For K's sake. I know what it feels like as a child to expect your Father and have him NOT show. Granted, she is young, now and probably has no idea. But, she won't be too young for long. I don't want him to let her down.
This weekend - lots of rest for both of us and lots of laughter..that's what we like to do the most.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
I was reading your text conversation and don't you think from the texts from my exh that I forward to you they sound the same? Same words, same tone...strange.
I think he will do this more often than not. Sad for K, but I would be very leery about her going with him with all those other kids and dogs. OW nor your H seem like they are very good parents.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
How was your weekend? Thanks for keeping me on track last night.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Weekend was okay. After H flaked on his Friday visit..he was calling me all afternoon on Saturday. He didn't leave a single message. So, I didn't call him back. K and I were getting ready to go to the fair and the phone rings. It's H. I answer. He wants to know if he can come pick K up. WTH? Seriously. He doesn't mention a thing about switching nights when he flakes on Friday and then waits to see how he feels or if something better comes up on Saturday before calling me to ask to have her. I told him that we had plans to go to the fair. So, he asks if I can bring her to him afterwards. Fine, I say. We go to the fair with friends and about 7:30 I text H to see if he will come get her from the fair so I don't lose my parking space. Well, he knows exactly where I am parked. I ask him how he knows that and he tells me that he came down to that area to get dinner and saw my car. Can you say stalker? So, he meets me. Puts K in the car. I walk over to say goodbye to her and H is in the backseat saying "Look K who's that? It's your brother, Dane." Annoying. So, I just said "can I say goodbye to her, please". I lean in, kiss her and leave. I just can't seem to acknowledge his son, yet. It's like I'm pretending that it is all okay and normal. He acts like he is trying to force me to accept the sitch. And, I will...on MY time, not when he thinks I should be ready to. So, Sunday he texts me and asks me to meet him half way to pick K up. I say "no". I'm out doing things and won't be anywhere near that area. But, my Mom will and my brother lives over there. So, I tell him he can drop her off at my brother's. He agrees. I say "Sounds great. Talk to you later". He says "fine". He takes her to my brother's, walks in the house with her, talks to my brother and my Mom. My Mom asks how the baby is and he says "Oh, he's here, in the truck (the truck...outside...in the driveway...alone?????)." Then he says "I'll go get him." And, he brings the baby in for my Mom and brother to meet. Weird. My Mom and brother say he looks nothing like H or K. He has black hair, darker skin and dark, slanted eyes. I mean, I think it IS his son. However, it's odd that K looks exactly like him and this one looks NOTHING like him. Anyway. That was my weekend. I was very happy to have K home. I missed her, terribly.
Last night I had a slight bout of "whoa is me". I felt sad. I cried. To think about what happened to my family and to watch him raise his son full-time and K is just second to his new life. It makes me sad.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
So, I've been wondering...the last couple of months, I haven't been calling my H or contacting him or engaging in much conversation. I keep my distance, I don't look for reasons to see him or talk to him. Basically, I'm letting him have his life and leaving him alone.
So, I had hoped that maybe by FINALLY practicing some of the DB techniques, he might act differently towards me. Maybe even with some kindness. But, alas, he still shows absolutely no emotion or concern or care. I feel that I have detached a lot over these last few months. But, it still hurts to watch someone you loved, not give a damn about you anymore.
So, it's been 19 months since he moved out and in with her. Do the DB techniques lose their affectiveness after such a long period of time. I started wondering if they were really only effective in the beginning of a break-up. I wonder that too much water has gone under the bridge. And, now that I have distanced myself...although I am still very cordial and inviting to him....perhaps he sees that as me not wanting HIM in my life and is now backing off.
Why am I even contemplating this? I can't take him back. I don't feel the same about him. I haven't forgiven him, yet. So, why do I even care? Maybe because at some point I would like to know that he feels some kind of regret for the damage and pain he inflicted. But, I guess I can't make him be something he just isn't....compassionate.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
You are thinking about it for the same reasons I do. Because underneath all the pain, damage, and cruelty we WANT them to have some sort of awakening and see what they have done to us. I am the same, there is no way in heck I could ever take him back even though I want to...does that make sense?
We want to see genuine remorse. Your H doesn't show that at all and mine just says it to manipulate me. Its not genuine.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
