he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

do u know i avoided that song always, because i didnt want it to ever mean something to me? how ironic.

i know im in shock. im trying to just accept im miserable for now, rather than keep trying to be ok already.

i have held on for so so so so long, through so many things, gone from being served for the divorce, to us working it out, being served with foreclosure papers, to us trying to save the house.

i had shingles a few months ago, from stress.

i look in the mirror, and im like, im too young, too smart and way too pretty for this!

but it just doesnt help.

i have to let go of the life i once had and think about starting over. and i just dont want to.

i want him back. i dont want her to have him. and i cant let go of that.

i cant let go of who we used to be, i cant look at him and not feel attracted to him.

10 years is a long time to be with someone, especially since im only 30. all i know is him.

he did aweful things, so aweful, and i still want him? i know i deserve better, whats wrong with me?