To little to late...

[The Wifey]

Her: i like it much better when we get along, instead of tension and fighting.
Her: I know things are tough, bu I reall don't want us to hate eachother.
Me: me to
Her: of course I can only control 1/2 of that.
Her: I will never hate you......but you will prob. ) seems lately (that you cannot stand me).
Her: it is okay for now, I kinda expect it, and I guess you have to go through it, I did.
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way
Me: I dont hate you
Her: hopefully you will come out the other side of that knowing that i love our girls so much, would NEVER do anything to hurt them, or put them at risk in anyway.
Her: In all of my life---their happiness is way more important than even my own.
Her: and I would like you to be happy too.

Do you see how you stayed calm while she screamed at you, that she KNEW that she was being nasty. She thought about it afterward. She felt bad how she acted. Had you said anything to stir her up it would have gotten worse and she never would have thought she was acting unreasonably.

And it is great that she loves the children and says she is more worried about their happiness than her own. And no, you can't point out how her actions are so opposite what she should do if she really values their happiness.

I understand how you hurt, how its hard to believe, how you want another chance.... every feeling and thought you have right now.

Advice for the short-term:

1) Do not answer her call or call her if your emotions are not under control.
2) Start a journal. When you feel like calling her, or begging, or telling her that next magic thing that will change everything - do not actually call her but have at it with the journal.
3) Every night make a plan for what you are going to do the next day. Even if you don't FEEL like it right now, GAL and be busy. It will help.
4) Take notice of little things around you. A sunset, a sunrise, the blue sky, the birds, the smell of coffee, the sun shining on your kids while they play.
5) Start a gratefulness journal. Start at #1 and keep right on listing things you are grateful for numbered sequentially. This is hard at first, but it will show you parts of your life that ARE GOOD.
6) Read, take notes, work on your personal growth. If you need recommendations for books just ask. You will be inundated with suggestions. You really need to grow to get on with your life.
7) Forgive her. You may not be able to right away. I understand completely, but you should work to get there. Anger & bitterness is poison you do not want in your life.
8) As you grow, go back and read the journal in 2). You will know you have grown because you will be getting stronger and VERY thankful you journaled what you wrote instead of saying it to her.
9) Encourage your children and nurture their confidence. Never say anything bad about their mother to them. Let them know it is not their fault and you will always love them.
10) Make a list of all the hobbies or interests you had in the past, ever had an interest in, used to do or might do. Start at #1 and do them.

It does get better. I promise it does.