Uneventful weekend at the lake. Only got upset with me one time when I said I was having a good weekend and asked him if he was.
The H of our friend called this weekend and he's not moving back in now because their daughters don't want him to. The daughters think that it would be best if they got divorced. What a crock! Of course these girls do - each one has picked a parent and that parent caters to their every whim! Don't know if they are still planning on going to counseling. Sounds like he's still smack dab in his MLC!
Our counseling appointment is Wednesday at 6 pm. Should be interesting! I appreciate your continued prayers and support!
Feeling nervous about the counseling session tomorrow and I'm not sure why.
For those of you who've been through this for awhile. How long can I expect this emotional rollercoaster to last? What's realistic in terms of counseling? How long does it take to start to see some progress?
Just feeling a little worn out with everything. Doing my own thing tonight going tanning with a friend and then to Starbucks.
Of course you are nervous. Let him talk as much as possible and do lots of listening. Let the C draw him out. You can open up some, but try to be a little reserved to keep yourself from crying. And if you really can't stop the tears, then let them just happen.
The emotional roller coaster lasts a long while. Its different for everyone, though. It helps to make a daily plan what you are going to do. It is so hard not to want to DO SOMETHING that will be the magic thing that makes it all better. Realizing that there is no magic is the first step.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I'm still having real trust issues with him over the EA with our friend. That will have to be discussed during counseling but I don't know if the first session is the place to do that.
Thanks for the good advice. I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you!
Just got to get a few things off my chest that are troubling me.
In early April, my H said he was thinking about sending M some flowers for her birthday since she was having such a hard time and I said I'll do it! She got nicer/more expensive flowers than I got for mothers' day.
When I think back to M's behavior at my candle party now I know why she was acting so unlike herself - incessant talking which is not at all her. She's definitely not a people person. I also think it's pretty telling that I mailed her candle stuff to her and she didn't call to thank me or question why I mailed it to her!
I'm going to have to admit that here's where my mind has gone today: what if this "working on our marriage" is just a big hoax so that they both can say they tried and the real plan is for the two of them to be together. I hate that my mind went there but it did!
I have to tell you to that in just one month's time from 4/13 thru 5/12 they spent 31 hrs of time on the phone! Now he says they're not talking anyone more blah, blah, blah - but of course he could be calling from the phone at his business and I'd never know.
How do you regain trust back?!!I hate that I'm driving myself crazy with this! Only four more hours to our counseling appointment!
Well it's now almost 4 am and I can't sleep. My H came upstairs to take his medicine and then it was right back downstairs where he has been sleeping all night.
I wonder if after our counseling session things are worse. Made a huge mistake earlier - he came upstairs to make himself something to eat (I was just trying to stay out of his way) - I asked him if he was pissed off and he said I'm not anything at all. His body language says otherwise.
Our next counseling appt. is not until next Thursday night. I hope this is not how it's going to be until then. I'm going to have to get out of the house and keep myself busy. I'm losing patience with him and I know it.
Talked to him a couple of hours ago. He admitted he was angry. He said I berated him during the session. I told him that was not my intent. I also said there were things he said that I didn't like either. He said he thought he tried to say things with more tact. Whatever that means!
I told him we're both going to have to deal with things we don't like. That's part of the process. He sounded like he was back to where he was about not wanting to work on things at first. He did say he would go back to counseling next week.
Definitely just going to give him space tonight and do my own thing. I'm open to suggestions - please!
Dealing with the past is like using the rear view mirror in your car. It is good to glance at it, but if you obsess too much about what is behind you then you are going to crash your car! When you have experienced losses due to mergers, life, markets, etc. that are outside of your control it is critical to look at what you have lost and then to eventually let go of the pain of that loss.
Tom Brokaw once said, “I think we honor ourselves by honoring our past.” We agree with that quote completely. This is why symbolic activities like Memorial Day are critical. There are things that we should not forget. They deserve our respect and honor.
At the same time it is not very honorable to allow bitterness about our losses to ruin our lives or the lives of those around us. Leo Buscaglia writes, “Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?”
To create a productive and successful life we must honor our past, but never get stuck in it. In tough times we must put our focus on the future and take responsibility for creating the life we want. So when the past pops up allow yourself to acknowledge it with your head and your heart. Then turn your attention away from “what happened to you” and toward “who you are.” Honor your past by living your life now with integrity, passion and focus.
Quote of the week “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
Unfortunately we got into it last night. I was going to be nice and bring him his plate of food downstairs. He was talking loudly and I could hear him on the phone. I casually said who were you talking to? (his sister) and he got super defensive. Anyway we both are still angry about what was said in the counseling session.
I left and went to my friend's house for awhile. When I got back I went downstairs to apologize. We talked a little bit and I honestly sat back and saw his point about one thing he was upset about and how it may have come across differently than I intended so I apologized for that. I asked for a hug which was stupid! He slept downstairs again.
I'm just tired of the fact that he gets to act whatever way he wants and the rest of us just have to take it!
He's going to the lake this weekend to see if the air conditioning was fixed and to pick up his four-wheeler from his friend's farm. It's probably for the best. I have plans to take my friend out to dinner for her birthday.
I just really need to stick to doing my own thing and staying out of his way. It's such a struggle! I'm trying not to lose my hope but this is just wearing me out!
