Hey B! Yeah, the gentle is not working obviously. He was calling me at 12 last night, and unlike him, I still have a job during the day. It's all about him, how he can't make it, is so lonely, blahblah.
It's like he flipped this freaking switch and decided, poof, I want my wife back and I want her to act just like we used to! The bad part is I don't want too!! He flat out asked me last night if I was embarassed for him to touch me at the ballgame, and I said yes. That it makes me uncomfortable.
He then had the b*lls to snoop through my phone at the game when I left it on the bleachers while helping my daughter. He appearantly read my texts, some of which were from a male friend that he does not know. Yes, FRIEND. Never been on a date, nothing. So, now he wigs out about that and whines and moans and groans and that's all I hear about. Um, hello! I have done nothing, and you did EVERYTHING and shoved it in mine and the kid's faces. That is some nerve to me.
So, when he called me yet again at 12 last night to ask me why I am ignoring him, I answered. I flat out asked him if he cared about me at all. Of course, he says, I love you. Well, if you love me then you need to respect the fact that I have a job and two kids to care for and I am TIRED! You need to think about that and not just what you want all the time. Yes, I said that. It didn't phase him. Whining continued and he wanted to come over. I said no and got off the phone.
This cr*p with him is wearing me out. I would just resort to being a flat out cold B to get my point across, but then he would not come around at all and the kids would suffer. You know what, I feel like how much he comes to the kids stuff is somehow directly correlated to what he gets from me. That is wrong. It's like his focus is on himself and me, and not the kids. That is very screwed up, and puts me in a really bad place.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
I am probably going to get jumped after posting but I wanted to give my opinion anyway.
I am in no way YOU but if I were in your shoes I would just tell him that until he got his life straightened out that there was to be no contact except for the kids. If he wanted to talk to the kids to call them at a decent hour and talk to them. If you see his phone number on your phone, let the kids answer the phone. If it is past their bedtime then let it go to voicemail.
When you answer at midnight you are enabling him to get his way. He knows you will answer the phone. He is trying to be controlling. Don't let him.
If he decides to not contact at all then so be it. He will come around again. He won't let those kids out of his life very long. He just needs to know that he is no longer in charge. If you have to, set up a set time for him to call the kids daily.
I do think your conversation with him last night was good. I'm glad you are standing your ground with him.
I do agree T2. I just honestly feel like I am between a rock and a hard place and that if I cut him off he will bolt from the kids too. They are doing so well, and I just don't want to see them suffering.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Ts, I am not going to blast you, I agree with you. He needs to man up. It is not ok to do what he is doing to SO.
S, I know you are worried about him not being with the kids. But HE is responsible for his relationship with his children.
My son is much older and I sucked it up in order for h to be able to see his son. I wish I hadnt. It cost me dearly in terms of the damage to my self esteem.
So, I think you should do what TS said. He will have the kids in his life. You will have back yours.
And oh, poor baby, the lightbulb just went off in his head.
Yeah, that light is flashing brightly now. lol Too bad it waited until I didn't care to come on... Not to sound totally cold, but that's just how it is.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Not to sound totally cold, but that's just how it is.
You don't sound cold at all.
There comes a time when you have to just say to heck with it and not hold anything back. I think we tend to bottle things up and not say what we feel because we are afraid of our kids being the ones to get hurt. My kids are older and it took them awhile to adjust to everything (they are still struggling at times) but they do adapt to the new lifestyle.
Your husband might get mad at you but he won't not see his kids.
I did an experiment yesterday. I was at a softball game and I slid over behind a woman and started giving her a shoulder rub.... she came unglued! Whoa!!! Turned around and started screaming at me, yelling for some guy out on the field, slapped me with a fried dough. The powdered sugar blinded me and I tripped down two steps and hit the ground, screaming it was a test for a friend of mine.......
Based on my results, I would say that you were very nice in your reaction of just sliding over
Later after things calmed down I then reached over and grab this same womans cell phone and started going through it.... holy smokes did it make her mad!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a friend that told me he would text me whenever I was with my ex wife.... lol! If you want I'll make you the same offer.... it's not nice but since we are all human you will get some satisfaction out of watching his reaction.... it's inevitable!
All joking aside I hope he will understand your boundries soon. It sounds like you are doing pretty good. I am glad for that my friend.
LOL Kenn. Thanks for the laugh. This sh*t is getting on my nerves and sometimes makes me a wee bit irritable. ; ) So you wanna text me huh??? Just kidding.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
No it's fine. I have to try to maintain a sense of humor or who knows what might happen...
Anyway, update: this is the best yet... semi stalking to me... Tell me what you guys think. I'm at a loss. Remember, he had the kids this weekend. He's always extremely worried about what my plans are and thinks I am going on dates or whatever. He keeps talking about how great I look since I have lost weight and whatnot.
I was up chatting on the computer with a friend late, like midnight. Sitting on my couch in the living room. He started calling me over and over and I didn't answer. He was at his mom's with the kids, which is like 45 min away. So, I continue chatting w/friend on comp and ignore phone. Lo and behold, banging on my front door starts. Scares the cr*p out of me. I look out the window and it's him. Of course he sees me. He already saw me b/c I had the light on in the living room. I open the door. Kids are not with him. I asked him what the h*ll he's doing and where are the kids? They are at his mom's asleep.
Yep, he left them, drove 45 min, to come to my house and stalk me/check up on me. I think he was trying to catch me with someone else. Says we need to talk. We have this whole convo at my front door. Friend is left hanging on the computer... not knowing what has happened. He blahblahs and begs me to come in, and basically barges into my living room. I hover by the door. He tries to snoop on my computer b/c he was appearantly seeing me through the blinds. I shut it and tell him it's none of his concern. He goes into my downstairs bathroom and uses it. (ok, tmi but) he sees a bag in the trash from a women's lingere store and asks about that. Um, yeah, I bought a bra. Anyhow, this little episode drags on and he tries to kiss/hug me and I tell him he needs to get back to the kids. He wants to stay over and I tell him no. Finally get him out of my house and he's all in a huff.
I know I didn't have to open the door, but then he would have stood out and made a scene. The last thing I need is to get kicked out with two kids.
So, when I finally got back to the computer my friend was obviously worried about me and had been waiting for quite a while to see if I came back. Am I overreacting? This is quite stalkerish to me. I know he was hoping to catch me with another guy over. Anyway, I'm pretty freaked out. WTF is wrong with him? Our D is almost final, he has a girlfriend, he wanted the D. He's starting to scare me. Thank goodness I didn't have company, or I'm sure it would have ended with the police. Anyone?????? Ideas?????
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
