PM Thread #6 - New Life for Number1 - Me

[PositivelyMommy]

Thanks 25yrs, mdoodles, SilverFox (nice hearing from you again) and Karen.

I have been thinking a lot of home today and I am really looking forward to moving back. Thinking 75% going to be December timeframe. The 25% is if there is some cicumstance that would prevent me from leaving, like illness or whatever. There is about 0% chance that H would come back, I accept it now. Less painful than before but it's almost better because when there is NO hope, then it's easier to move on.

I told my Dad abt my convo with MIL and also about the fact that she met with OW when she was visiting me and my kids, staying at my house. My Dad, who is my moral compass and the most compassionate man I know (outside of the Dalai Lama) said that she should not have done that. That instead of meeting OW, my MIL should have respected my feelings especially since I told her how I felt about them meeting and how hurt I would be.

I told Dad that I think MIL did a very foolish thing. The fact is, she didn't really have to meet OW, MIL could have told H that she wasn't ready. MIL could have waited until we divorced or waited to see if OW was 'the one'. I think curiosity got the better of her. But because of her curiosity, she has alienated me and hurt me deeply, the mother of her only grandchildren. Stupid.

Now I can't look her in the face for a whole month without feeling MORE betrayal from that family. I could sort of understand that H is fogged out on the excitment of the affair and/or excaping the pain of our interaction over a failing M, but I can't understand how MIL could jeopardize our R of over 17 yrs to see OW for a one-time meeting. It's not like OW will be coming home to Sunday dinners with H anytime soon. It's not like OW will bear her more grandkids (my H is worried abt finances and won't be planning on more kids and I hear OW is barren, supposedly). And OW certainly WILL NOT be looking after MIL in her old age. She doesn't even know the woman, why would she be looking after her??

Also, I know that H is NOT thinking of M. So it's not like she is meeting potential DIL. H wants someone 'who doesn't expect anything from him'. So that tells me he is not looking for another wife anytime soon.

So yes, I am miffed, disappointed, broken-hearted even that MIL would see OW. My H sees it as an endorsement of his R with OW, that his mother approves.

I see it as a betrayal of my M again. We ARE STILL MARRIED!

It's just not right and I don't feel right about spending a month with her. Sorry but I don't have more to give to someone who has betrayed me.