well, that healthy... and of course you torture yourself, you were with him a long time. you hsd a lot invested there...
look your not to be blamed for wanting your old life back, thats just normal. gee I think no one could truly call that 'weak' or anything...
but you are right, if he seems to have made his decision, your not wrong in deciding to let him live with it, for good and all. remember, even if you never find another man again, you still have yor kids and their families to live for, you got a lot going for you! its tragic yes, but its not ... dying. you can live thru it, if you choose to.
I think like me, you are in that place where you want to "win", and you want to know your marriage MEANT something! thats nothing to be ashamed of! its normal... but after some talk, and some intropsection, you begin looking OUTIDE that vaidation. thats only a small thing. it might seem the biggest thing RIGHT NOW, but overall in your life, you have other agendas too. and those will loom ever larger, as your sitch passes on into history.
I am the exact same, I would LOVE to "win" to just "win", against OW against the family, but at the end of the day it is not going to answer my deeper questions. even if it happened I wouuld still have issues...
im fighting to get past the "win" thing
When you're down to nothing, God is up to something.
