Letting him out of CS? You can't collect CS from someone with no job. I take him to court, he goes to jail (GA state law) and then where would that leave me?
I absolutely didn't use my child as any kind of tool. I'm concerned that Gabe's situation is going to blow up again with my child there and that just isn't acceptable. I'm going to leave it up to Marc and my gut feeling. It's not Gabe's treatment of Marc I don't trust, it's the volatile situation he is in.
Uncomfortable? No. A little awkward? Maybe. There was no tension or frustration on my part. I didn't want to control him at all. I wanted the courtesy of him telling me what he was planning to do next as he and I both knew this was temporary. To just "sneak out" in the middle of the day was really cowardly but it's par for the course.
I have kept it strictly business until my stupid, compassionate self was called up to 'help' the father of my child. I can say with no uncertainty at all that it will not happen again. He can sink the next time. I frankly don't care. He had an opportunity to get his life straightened out without anyone asking anything of him (except that he be a dad to his son). He chose to go back to the drama.
He's not my friend? Yeah, I'm beginning to think it's not possible to be anything more than civil with him. That's really too bad because we had a lot of fun together over the years. So be it.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
So let him feel the consequences of not paying child support. Put his rear in jail. Maybe that will be some motivation for him to get a job. He isn't working because really he has no incentive to. He knows you will take care of it because you always do. Shake it up, this is your life we are talking about.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
"Uncomfortable? No. A little awkward? Maybe. There was no tension or frustration on my part. I didn't want to control him at all. "
Really. So, you enjoyed all that obsessing over his GF? So you enjoyed wondering what he did with the money you gave him? Hmmmmm.......
You didn't want him there if he was involved with his GF. It was definitely disturbing you. It shows here loud and clear.
As for keeping your son from his father "for his own good," that's an old story that is very seldom true, and that few people continue to believe once they get a little perspective. Worst case, your son can survive coming home in the middle of the night. He can call you on his cell, right?
Yes, he can call me on his cell which I have instructed him to do and told him I would come get him whenever, wherever if he ever felt uncomfortable.
You are right in that I didn't want him here if he was involved with his GF. Why? Because that R is a dysfunctional mess and is contributing to his misery. The man needs alone time to figure himself out. He can't do that while she is involved. Now, if he worked out his issues and then went back to her, more power to him. I just hate to see the spinning continue in perpetuity. Sad really, but I know there is nothing I or anyone else can do for him.
Obsessing over his gf? When did I obsess? What did I miss? I didn't wonder what he did with the money I gave him. I know what he did, he got gas like he was going to. Marc was with him, and know...I didn't ask Marc to tell me, he told me about it himself.
Kat, I really would love to put his butt in jail but then he couldn't get a job and the cycle would continue forever then. Not good for anyone involved, especially Marc.
I'm going to be a good little girl now and shut the heck up. It's over...drama (which I HATE!)is over. Move along...nothing to see here.....
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You are right in that I didn't want him here if he was involved with his GF. Why? Because that R is a dysfunctional mess and is contributing to his misery. The man needs alone time to figure himself out. He can't do that while she is involved. Now, if he worked out his issues and then went back to her, more power to him. I just hate to see the spinning continue in perpetuity. Sad really, but I know there is nothing I or anyone else can do for him.
my question is.."why does all that matter to you?"
I guess I wonder why you try to figure out what he needs to do to find himself??
Quote:
I just hate to see the spinning continue in perpetuity.
here's where I fail to understand sometimes....I mean..I think they should spin, I think they should spin their azzzzezz's off..I think they should get some of what they gave us...not out of spite, or meaness or bitterness..but just for the hell of it..
I think they should get some F'in Karma...batchitt crazy or not..
Well, I had a whole long post all written and they took the site down to update it. Poof! Gone.
Why does it matter to me? I have no idea. The nurturer in me can't stand to see anyone, including someone who hurt me so horribly, in pain and misery. I know that's not good for me, there is something wrong with me that I feel that way. I don't know how to shut that part of me down, but I wish I could.
Karma? Oh yeah, he's got that in spades. His life is in chaos but he doesn't chose to change his life. As my friend says, he returns to the vomit just like a dog does.
There is only one thing I know for sure. My life is going to be better at some point.
On another note, I went to my group last night and afterward we went to waffle house as usual. After we left the restaurant we all stood in the parking lot for a while and then walked to our cars. CG was parked right next to me, we had started a conversation in the restaurant and continued it outside. Good talk, lots of laughs. We didn't realize how long we'd been talking until I finally looked at my phone and realized it was 12:30am! Good grief! We'd been out there talking 2.5 hours! It sure was nice to have a conversation with a man who isn't a family member for that length of time about such a varied array of subjects. It made me realize that I can still make conversation without getting too tongue tied.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Well, I had a whole long post all written and they took the site down to update it. Poof! Gone.
Why does it matter to me? I have no idea. The nurturer in me can't stand to see anyone, including someone who hurt me so horribly, in pain and misery. I know that's not good for me, there is something wrong with me that I feel that way. I don't know how to shut that part of me down, but I wish I could.
Karma? Oh yeah, he's got that in spades. His life is in chaos but he doesn't chose to change his life. As my friend says, he returns to the vomit just like a dog does.
There is only one thing I know for sure. My life is going to be better at some point.
On another note, I went to my group last night and afterward we went to waffle house as usual. After we left the restaurant we all stood in the parking lot for a while and then walked to our cars. CG was parked right next to me, we had started a conversation in the restaurant and continued it outside. Good talk, lots of laughs. We didn't realize how long we'd been talking until I finally looked at my phone and realized it was 12:30am! Good grief! We'd been out there talking 2.5 hours! It sure was nice to have a conversation with a man who isn't a family member for that length of time about such a varied array of subjects. It made me realize that I can still make conversation without getting too tongue tied.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
"You are right in that I didn't want him here if he was involved with his GF. Why? Because that R is a dysfunctional mess and is contributing to his misery. The man needs alone time to figure himself out. He can't do that while she is involved. Now, if he worked out his issues and then went back to her, more power to him. I just hate to see the spinning continue in perpetuity. Sad really, but I know there is nothing I or anyone else can do for him."
(1) Imagine you had a friend who had a bad R with her boyfriend. Would you not want her at your house? Your obsessiveness is obvious to all but you. Your concern with XH's dating habits may partly be compassion, but it is also far more than that. It is not abnormal to feel bad when you think about XH being with his GF -- it is perfectly normal given the circumstances. But it is one very good reason to not play friends, let alone play house, lol.
(2) With respect to XH, you still think you know best, that you are right, etc, etc... People go through difficult stages in their lives, adults included. To get from A to C, you have to pass through B. There is a level of arrogance and know-it-allness that you still have with respect to XH. (Hey, I recognize it cause I had it myself before, so don't get your hackles up.) Try gentleness, detachment, and compassion instead.
(3) This is pretty much the same as (2), but directed toward you. At the time of the bomb, I had no idea that D would be by far the best thing for ME. If we can be so wrong about ourselves, we really aren't in a position what is good/bad for someone else, especially someone who was unhappy with us.
I understand where you are coming from.. he was in your life for 20 years (?) you dont just turn your feelings off like a tap and hey, none of us are perfect models of humanity OldTimer. I think Mish does have compassion for Gabe and as someone who knows him well, feels some sadness that he keeps going around the same ever decreasing circles instead of pulling his head out of his *rse. I dont see it as you played house.. I see it as you were unable to say no to the plight of your exH and father of your child. Although.. considering you were stirred up by him going back to the broom, I know you say there is no way you would want to reconcile.. but then.. you say it was nice to chat to CG.. but we all kohw you fancy him!! C'mon Mish, you can be honest with us hey. No need to mask wear here! If you arent doing so, then forget I mentioned it!!!
And.. yuo talked for 2 1/2 hours in teh parking lot !!!??? Good god woman, I thikn he wants to marry you
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Good grief! We'd been out there talking 2.5 hours! It sure was nice to have a conversation with a man who isn't a family member for that length of time about such a varied array of subjects. It made me realize that I can still make conversation without getting too tongue tied.