I think you are doing great. I am happy that you have found something that gives you time to yourself and even a way to deal with your frustrations. Way to go!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Sorry to hear your H is up to his usual crap! I think both of our H's need some sense knocked into them, but I don't think there is anything hard enough to do the job.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Hi Sue. I've been reading your thread and just wanted to let you know I think you are an incredibly strong person! You are holding yourself together so well. Kudos on the running! That has to make you feel so good about yourself! Just think about what you want and need and be true to yourself, although I think you already know that. My H is moving out in a couple of weeks, and I'm struggling with whether or not I even want him back! In the mean time though, I'm just trying to GAL and be there for me. Be strong girl. Don't put up with anything less than what you know you and your d deserve!
Me:42 H:47 T:11 yrs M:5 1/2 yrs Death of my step daughter in July 2008 He began relationship with OW in August 2008 H will be moving out in next couple of weeks
lola, wow! You just made my day!! I really needed that. Love you Southern Ladies.
I feel good with the running. I went to workout on Saturday and I surprised myself with how long I was able to make it. I'm excited about doing my first 5K this Saturday. Nervous, but excited.
So, lola, let me tell you and everyone why you made my day. My day did not start out well at all. Let me take a step back. H was all set up to start a job today that is about 30 minutes away from home. On Friday he was called by a company and given his situation (starting a new job on Monday), they asked if he could come in that afternoon for an interview. He said yes and after all was said and done, he was offered the position. Now, this 2nd position is only 5 minutes away from home (same town). He always joked about not wanting to work that close to me, but now all of a sudden, BOOM, here he is literally just down the road from me. Okay, so that's that. H started the new position today and D5 started back to daycare. All is okay right? No. H got up this morning to go workout. He left his phone at home. No, I did not look at it. However, at 7:25, it rang. I did look at it and I did answer it. The person HUNG UP. YEP, OW. When H got home and he and I were away from D5, I told him that he might want to call his f'ing girlfriend back as she didn't seem to want to talk to me when I answered his phone. I told him that the BS needs to stop. Unfortunately, I didn't get much further. If I didn't leave home at that moment, I'd be late for work. I believe that I will talk to him again tonight. This is absolute crap. I wondered why she called at that time. My only guess is that she thought he was starting the job 30 minutes from home and would be in his car at that time. When I left for work, I gave D5 a big hug and kiss, told her to have fun back with her friends, told H good luck and walked out the door.
I'm angry that the HO called, but I'm okay. I was a bit shaken at first, but I'm okay. It's an odd feeling. I guess I feel like a stronger person that OW and H. I know, it's an odd statement coming from someone who has let her H continue to have his own life, but I do feel okay.
Well, back to work. Busy, busy day.
Take care! SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
You have to always bear in mind your H's drink problem in all this. My guess is that's the main contributor to most of what goes on.
The nice/nasty behaviour probably stems from that. Alcoholics are really good at the pseudo sentimality (sp?).....when you are gone he really misses you- the idea of you- when you are there he cannot cope with reality and the feelings he has of inadequacy and responsibility.
With OW everything is broken and never so constant and full on so he can remain a 'properly functioning' person in her eyes, and it makes him feel good. Reality does set in though when he thinks about living with her full time with her kids- she will get to see the 'real' him......warts and all. I can't see him ever letting that really happen.
Well that's my best guess anyway Sue - and if I am right I don't see him leaving you alone to settle into a life without drama anytime soon if you leave it down to him and you only react to his actions. You are his security blanket.
I have huge respect for you....I know I could not tolerate such behaviour and be so kind to my H.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Hello Saffie!! So nice to hear from you. I guess sometimes I just need people to open my eyes again. Puppy's analogy of the spinning plates and then your reminder of the underlying alcohol issue really helps me. It's odd, but I guess that I've been dealing with it for so many years now that I sometimes forget that if we didn't have to deal with the alcohol problem and everything that comes with it we'd probably be a lot better, if not great. I suspect your comments are dead on when describing my H, what he feels and what he's thinking. I just sat there shaking my head yes to everything you had said. In fact, I let a dear friend of mine read your comments too and she said.....Wow, she's pretty spot on for not knowing H personally. I told her, well heck, after 2 years she does know him pretty well!!!
How have you been Saffie? I haven't done a good job in keeping up with people. Email me or let me know on here how you are. I do think of you and many others very often.
H has done his absolute best to completely avoid me and any discussion about the phone call the other day. The past 2 night he has come home, cooked dinner, watched some tv and made sure he's asleep before I get a chance to get D5 to sleep and talk to him! It does amaze me that a 41 (soon to be 42) year old man can act the way he does.....If I just avoid it, it will go away!! I went out running on Monday after work and felt prety good, although these 41 year old knees are giving me some aches. It was an odd feeling for me to be on my way home from work last night and actually think to myself....Man, it's a beautiful day.....I'd love to go for a run. Didn't get to though, as D5 needed some attention and mommy was willing to stay home and give it to her!!
H has again been a bit of an a$$ but instead of letting it bring me down, I go along with life, as I deserve to be happy damn it!!
Work has been busy and is only getting busier. Our company acquired another company last August and this Aug. 1st is the official merge date when all departments and systems should be completely merged and aligned. Working for a VP and a Controller, you can imagine how stressed they are....which in turn stresses me.
Well, time to get busy.
Take care everyone & have a great day!!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Just about ready end the day/week. I'm so ready to get done with work.
I run my first 5k tomorrow. It's supposed to be cold and rainy. I'll still do it.
I'm having one of those days where I'm kind of filled with all sorts of angry feelings. I want to give H a swift kick and then go give OW one too. I know, icky band-aid theory... Just can't help thinking about her today for some reason. Saffie, I just keep trying to remind myself of what you said the other day, as I know you got it spot on.
Part of my anger is with H. I gave him the info for tomorrow and he basically asked me if I was crazy thinking that they'd be up and out that early (starts at 8). I told him - Thank you for the support - I appreciate it. He said - Hey, I support you, have a good run. He told me that when I got home he'd make a nice breakfast for me. I told him that I appreciated that but what I'd appreciate even more is the encouragement as I'm running and a "way to go" when I actually finish. I know I'm going to cry when I get done. I just will. The first time and the fact that I'm doing this in honor of my Dad....a cancer survivor.
Oh.....Oh.....Oh.......I do have some good and uplifting news. How could I forget this??? My Dad got his final reports back and he DOES NOT have any cancer spots. They'd done another scope just to check out his esophagus. They were a bit worried about that but it's clear!
Well, that's about it for me. Kat, I'm still looking for some things for you. I did find some discounts. Give me some time and I'll come up with other things. Just give me an idea of what you want/want to do and I'll help you out with what I can.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I shall be thinking of you tomorrow....and what fantastic news about your dad!!!!!
What I said before was based on what it was like living with my dad. When my mom walked out on him, taking my sister and I with her, it was the best thing she could do. It was a gift to my dad - although he has never been able to see it that way. It was what got him sobered up in the end.
Appearances were a huge thing to my dad....how the world viewed him was important. To have his wife walk out on him made him feel ashamed enough to pull himself together. Sometimes, what seems to be being cruel to someone, can be the kindest thing. My mom stopped enabling his destructive behaviour. My dad is now 81 and I think he would be dead by this time if it hadn't been for my mom's actions. He does know that but he is still too darn proud to acknowledge that.
As I said, I shall be thinking of you tomorrow Sue. (((((HUGS)))))
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
