Where do I go??

[tmarie]

It has been so long since I have posted and there is such a long story in between...

The bones of it - H dropped the Bomb and filed - had EA possibly PA - met Michele and had intensive. A year later, almost to the date, we are still married... Happily so?? I am not so sure. I have some serious security issues, the contact between H and OW is minimal, however, is still there. There is love, there is affection all of which I wished for, hoped for and prayed for. But I am still looking and hoping for a "re-committment".

I just don't know where to post any of this - are we piecing? The jealousy I feel and the anger that comes with that are alomst too much for me to bear. Somedays I feel I might be better off having him leave.

Last year after the Bomb, he left out of the country for "business" though it is a fact he also met with the OW, it just so happens he spent our 15th wedding annivesary with her. I can't tell you all the thoughts I have about that.... We're they laughing at me, making plans to be together forever??? Its that time of year again and I just got word he will be going out of town (in the states, she lives in the Philippines) but again he could be gone on our anniversary. I'm a little miffed. I have done all this work, learning to show him love the way HE needed to be shown love, changing MYSELF in hope that he would in someway start to learn to love me the way I needed him to. I'm beginning to think Iam a schmuck - that I have been doing this all for nothing, that in the end he will never acknowledge me the way I need to be acknowledged. He can't even spit out the word, "Boy Honey, you like nice.." And I am beginning to get a complex....

I don't know where to start, post or just to give up...

Someone PLEASE point me in the right direction..