Over the Shock and GALing 4

[Thinker]

I know a lot of you out there would love to trade sitches, but mine is still driving me crazy.

My W is not committed to reconciliation or a future R of any sort, but...

We are still living together.

We are still in very close contact


She appears very conflicted.


She still wants sex...

And I am on a roller coaster emotionally...

The cycle begins with me being relatively detached - doing stuff together with the boys, but otherwise doing my own stuff - happy, strong, etc. I am clear in this sitch that we are emotionally divorced, that Mrs Thinker has no interest in Thinker, etc.

Then Mrs Thinker initiates ML (and it is surprisingly better than anything in recent years) Suddenly Thinker is hooked.

Immediately afterwards, Mrs Thinker withdraws. So suddenly that the tears appear during the final "O". (I know, TMI) Mrs. Thinker permits no intimacy afterwards.

Thinker tries to comfort W as she pulls away, but to no avail.

There is distance for some time (days, a week), as Thinker gives Mrs. Thinker space while internally going crazy.

Next, Thinker gives in to circumstances and tries to initiate ML. Mrs Thinker gets angry ("you don't listen to me! I told you I am not attracted to you and am not interested in sex!" etc!

Ugly R discussions in which it is made clear by W that sex is out of picture for time being...

Thinker backs off and detaches. This lasts for some time until the cycle starts again, with Mrs. Thinker initiating...


So far, I can identify this as happening 4 times.


Aaarghhhh!


There appears to be only 2 ways for Thinker to break the cycle:

1) Refuse to ML when Mrs. Thinker initiates. Is that really an option - Thinker thinks not (and wants not)

2) Stop becomming un-detached and falling head over heels back in love with Mrs Thinker when she initiates great ML and then shows vulnerability by crying and withdrawing (very very difficult for Thinker)

3) Thinker avoids initiating follow-up ML - also very difficult. Now the beast of desire is awake!

Once again Aaaarghhh!