That's the problem Michele! I never had a true adult R, I was always responsible for everything and still am. I always knew in my head that I was not responsible for him, however someone in the house had to be the resonsible adult or else everything would have fallen apart. Oh my, imagine that....it did anyway. So much for hard work and responsibility! HA! Most men I have known in my life (outside of my family - why are they so different?) have no clue how to function in life. They expect everything to be done for them by the other people in their life. Now, some of these men are lawyers, doctors, CEO's, CFO's. Still, in daily life they are just passengers in the car someone else is actually driving. Why is that? Immaturity can't be the only explanation. It confuses the heck out of me. I thought it might just be me, but I watch these men as an outsider and listen to their wives as they make excuses for their husband's lack of caring, maturity, responsibility, and follow through. It's sad. Is it because we, as a society, feel entitled to our own selfish desires and to heck with what needs to be done for those around us?
Ok, getting philosophical again.....
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Some of it has to be the way they are raised. My ex was exactly the same way. Last night I was talking to a friend and said,"It's funny he never helped put anything together, or take the wallpaper down, or paint a wall. I used our special dates in passwords and codes and he never did. No wonder it was so easy for him to disengage."
But even so, we have emerged stronger. Look at what we can do!! Next time around it is a partnership and I am not playing Mom. See what we have learned?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
See, that's where we differ kat. You believe there is a next time around, I feel that I made my mistakes and won't make them again and the only sure way to not make them again is to not put myself in that situation. My patterns, I'm afraid, are too ingrained and my spirit couldn't handle the stress again anyway.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
See, that's where we differ kat. You believe there is a next time around, I feel that I made my mistakes and won't make them again and the only sure way to not make them again is to not put myself in that situation. My patterns, I'm afraid, are too ingrained and my spirit couldn't handle the stress again anyway.
ya know what i learned after the first D?? 6 years after??
never say never
ya know what I learned after the second D??
never say never
see...I'm a determined bastid...I'll never give up..I know "the one" is out there for me..
"i'm just wading through the batchitt trying to find her"
But you admit you want someone. I don't think I know anyone who doesn't. But the only way that will happen is to put yourself back out there. No one is talking about marriage.
Know what you need to improve on, know what you are looking for and for Pete's sake don't settle!! Life is an adventure to be lived, not a spectator's sport. So what are you going to do hon?
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
You're a brave soul Mike!!!!!!! That's all I can say.
ohh I've been called many things...never brave..
stupid retarded insane an azzzzhole batchitt crazy
Never say never..LOL
I figure we got two choices..
1. lock ourselves up in the house.....and eventually everyone on this website will be seeing us on the national news...we will probably either end up as a "hoarder" living in a house with newspapers stacked to the ceiling and cats running all over the house.....
or
2. Put ourselves back out there...get in the mix, mingle..get a little loose..I figure putting myself out there will be a lot more fun than trying to read all those newspapers and feed all those cats..
No, I have no intention of locking myself in the house. I don't do that now so why would I in the future. Put myself back out there? No, not doing that either. Not as far as men go. My insecurities and fears run far too deep to do that. I have friends, it's not the same kind of comfort, but it will have to do.
FYI - I came home at lunch to drop my mom off and found all of his stuff gone again. Yes, he's back with the broom and claims he broke it off because it was mostly his fault and she wanted him back no matter what...blah blah blah. Of course, he tried to lay it on me that I wasn't as comfortable with having him there as I said I was and that he felt he really needed to go. Whatever. I told him not to put his feelings on me. The convo went downhill from there. He's a mess, she's a mess, they can me messes together. He keeps trying to get me to make friends with her. I kindly told him that I do not make a habit of making friendships with adulterers. Those are not the people I choose to trust and associate with and to stop trying to push her down my throat. He has gone on and on about it, bringing up ancient history, he won't let it go. I don't understand it and I don't want to.
One thing is for certain, I won't put myself into that situation again. If he breaks down and threatens to go back to California again I will help pack his bags!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
First of all, you were uncomfortable with him there. So, he seems on target there. You wanted strings you didn't have, i.e. the strings to control his personal life and how he spends his money.
Second, why in the world are you letting him out of child support?
Third, do not use your child as a tool to punish your XH. If the man was trustworthy enough to have in your house, your kid can spend the night with him.
Fourth, make your R with XH strictly business. This current sick R is not good for anyone, least of all your child, who has been jerked around by it (as much by you as by XH in this latest stunt) and hurt monetarily by it.
Finally, don't help pack his bags, lol. He is not your friend, lover, husband, or child. Stay out of his life. Keep him out of yours.
See what we have learned?