he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

i just cant do this.

h came this afternoon (closed the store early). i wondered if he would ring the bell. no, he lets himself in and marches around like its still his house.

i dont get it. if it were me that truly wanted out, i would take my stuff and leave and when i came by to see our son, i would wait at the door to take him out.

no, he doesnt do that.

i cant go through this. i cant let go and at the same time, i feel like i only want to win. i dont want her to have him.

but i have to let go. i cant hang on, it wont let me move on to hang on.

i need to not see him or talk to him. well how practical is that?

i need to force the fact that he cant come in here. i should have him pick up our son at my in laws house so i dont see him.

but i know me, i will look at him out the window (they live next door).

this is incredibly hard. i dont know how to give up. i have held on for almost 3 years.