Hi Cire - reading about your GF leads me to believe that you are a man on a string - a yoyo. Back in June when she asked you to leave because a guy was stopping by smells like maybe it was her H. The depression. The meth. The lies and deception. To be quite frank, she does not sound like a stable person to have a long term relationship with.
I know you say you love her, but why? She keeps casting you away and reeling you back. Do you deserve to be treated like that - no. What do you mean by you've messed up in the past?
I dont know where you live in Washington, but I do know that there are probably at least a couple hundred thousand other single gals your age in the state and many of them would be a better catch than what I am reading about your GF. Sorry about being so blunt, but I think you can do better.
I have a GF for the last 8 months and so far she seems like a very nice girl. Like any relationship, there are some minor red flags, but I am taking it slow with an open mind. I've got the attitude that only I can make myself happy. Having a relationship is just frosting on the cake of life. Try to detach some more and be happy on your own for a while.
One book you might consider reading is "Venus and Mars on a Date" by John Gray.
