this little lady isn't going to be able to tell big Froggy how to be a man.
Isn't that an interesting observation?
Question: If Monsoor LeShmedlap needs to be told "how to be a man" by "little" Ms. America....why do you want him, exactly? How would he be a role model for the boys? I mean, do you need to be told how to be a woman and a mother?
Seems to me Monsoor needs to take some advice from Mark & Brian and sack-up more than a little bit.
Here are some jokes from my Army days to brighten your morning, since I know you have trouble in the A of M:
Q: How do you confuse a French soldier? A: Give him a rifle and tell him to fire it.
Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? A: The bucket
Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
Thing is, I don't want to have to make H a piece of cr*p to feel good about myself. My kids are half Frog, right? I don't want to break it down to some cultural divide. There's plenty good about frogginess...just don't send'em into battle, right?
I see the demons he wrestles and he is basically succumbing to some Freudian pre-destiny to end up like his pop. Pop is paying for him and housing him and feeding him while he is in Froggieland. Must be a relief for Pops to have his "used to be so dedicated a father" son finally join him on the dark side. They can bond now, relate, be real froggies. Plus, H is impressing his pop with his rock star connections and he can finally fulfill that yearning to have his attention and admiration.
I suppose I hoped that through life and love, H and I would each learn how to be men and women, to grow up.
So, I have these two little guys and they had a dad who was here and connected and is pooping out to become the froggie version of a real man. How do I raise real men? How do I break the cycle, that they wont be doomed to such pathetic insecurity and yearning for daddy love and approval that they follow his path? I can only be a mother to them.
Anyway, I don't have the power to control this but I woke up at 4 shaking and wanting to just email H, "have you ever looked at this from the boys perspective?" "Do you ever look at the big picture?" "You like reading Freud, do you ever think of our boys rather than yourself when you're reading it?"
Perhaps, I need to express what I really think at some point. And maybe that will be the point at which I say, "no, I am not going to be friends with someone who hurts my children..."
Not a bad response, really: I love the idea of being friends with a man who wants to get down my pants and get jiggy wit it. Just not with one who's hurt my children. Say - you don't have Rock Star's phone number do you?
Not a bad response, really: I love the idea of being friends with a man who wants to get down my pants and get jiggy wit it. Just not with one who's hurt my children. Say - you don't have Rock Star's phone number do you?
LOL. I have rock star's email...and boy could I have fun with that...
SP- Brass tacks here. I have no job other than biz I'm working on that may bring in money if I can stay off of this site long enough to focus. I have a ton of debt in my name in addition to H's debt. I am super emotional and distracted most of the time. I have H who is surrounded by friends while I am struggling to find one friend who can come out with me tonight (they all are with their kids or working or with spouses. You know, regular life)...
It is hard not to sink into feeling like I'm getting sh** end of the stick. I read those threads where H's are talking about WAW who expect to D and still be SAHMs. Well, I DON'T want to D but I will deal with the repercussions in a much more substantive way (I'll likely lose time with kids).
Sometimes I think about my efforts to detach and my mojo-conjuring efforts and I feel like I'm just doing what he's doing (though his MAY be without so much introspection but I don't know). Putting on a poker face, getting dolled up, going out, feigning aloofness when there is so much going on inside...
Ya, it feels good to be La Moja but I'm a crumbling little sissy girl inside...
Oh, and of course I'm hormonal so there's always that...
Lawyer called representing CC company and I lost my sh** on three people...and then the bubbling hostility of where the f is H???
But, this is my life, my creation and I have to find a way out of it...
Do you really think I should get into ANY of that sh** with H? The kids, the friendship, my judgements? He comes back next week, don't know where to start and as sick as it is, I hate that par for the course, he will come back to me bitching about bills and debt and "real" life grown up boring stuff.
I wish I could just handle it all and be cool...
You want to buy some art? I've got some good stuff here.
have a real dialouge with your H about what is going on.
Thinking thru it helps control the emotions. Engage both sides of the brain.
Quote:
You want to buy some art? I've got some good stuff here.
Put it on ebay or find a broker.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Ha, Coach, when I saw you posted I said out loud "Alright, give it to me!"
I need to get a grip.
"Have a real dialouge with your H about what is going on."
Yes, I am trying to wrap my brain around what that will be. It can't be the old "we really need to do something" conversation.
I'm resisting pushing this separation forward and instead I'm staying stuck. I see it and he knows it too. Knows that when it comes down to it, I will lose way more than he will in ways that matter most to me.
So, checklist is a great start and I thank you for that simple suggestion. My overwhelmed-ness leads to inaction as you can see.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
So, I was planning on going to a big art event that best friend of H is doing tonight. But after much deliberation decided not to walk into that snake-pit (all of H's friends who like me well enough but I have no idea how they would respond to me)...I feel like this is the healthiest choice, not to go, but it is something I am really interested in and I also was hoping to dress up and show them all that I am fine.
Feeling pretty vulnerable so I think it is the right choice to skip it but I also feel like I'm missing out on something...
I think you touched on something important for me.
While I know I need to work on me (today I made an appointment for IC next week), I also really struggle with my communication with H. I spin so much. I think part of my trouble is my attempts to get it "right." I am withholding so much and I am so guarded. I felt very clear that I needed to do this for my own protection and to DB well. But, perhaps it is too fear motivated. A while back, I said on SP's thread something to the effect of "scr*w the WAS, you can't live in fear forever." And, it felt really good. The point wasn't to go apesh*t on WAS or stop being rational and mindful but to cut it with the deer in headlights bit.
You've got me thinking. I am still so mortified by the current events. I can't even believe I'm surprised over and over by behavior that is utterly consistent in its irrationality and erratic-ness (is that a word?)...I am still afraid of him leaving even though he's gone. And since all of his stuff is here and he has exhibited so much interest (when he's in town) in being here and with the kids, I think I keep holding onto that last thread before we really take it all apart for real.
Honestly, Looking back, I think H is having an identity/mid-life crisis that started 6 years ago (when he left before) and he came home too soon and now is finally scratching that itch. Not sure, but it really has helped me to read about it and have empathy and understand his impenetrability and to come to grips with the likely time frame and prospects. It has now been 5 months since the bomb (though the emotional separation really started a while back).
So, how to communicate with him right now is tricky. I do have empathy but I am rarely completely honest with him. My understanding is that it would be a bad idea to be honest. But I also know that I need to cut the fear out of the equation and get real. I have had a couple of interactions where I have been able to deal with sticky stuff ($$ etc) in a very matter of fact and upbeat way, that felt really great to me and different from the past.
