WAW/Affair Exposed - Advice? #3

[DCBHM]

D1 was playing with a bunch of other kids this morning. She graduates up to the next level of kids starting next week, so that will be fun. S7/S8 finish 1st and 2nd grade on Friday as well, so looking forward to the summer.

Just reflecting on things... I take a look at what it would have taken to (maybe) successfully DB my W. I do not see how I could have done things any differently and still have an ounce of integrity left.

I haven't been mean, vindictive, spiteful, and haven't tried to hurt her - although she has done each of those things to me. I think the whole "being nice" thing is a bit enabling for her, because in her mind she's doing what she wants and I'm supposed to be on board, so when I tell her "I'm waiting and hope you make the right decision" she derides that as if I'm supposed to be on standby anyway.

My oldest son referred to her as "mom" the other day, although most of the time they just call her by name. She barely asks about them, and not even a year ago was talking about adopting them.

I made up my mind early on (and it was easy) to let her follow her own path and learn what she has to learn from this. But each day wears away at you... each bit of selfishness and entitlement makes you want to gag... the lack of care and concern for my well being has been loud and clear from both W and MIL.

Reading Fit's thread has got me p.o.'d as well, because I'm seeing it in action in my own sitch. I read another book last night on BPD, and again the similarities to my own situation (including before the A) are striking and I have no doubt in my mind that W suffers from this. Combine that with an enabling MIL and you have a recipe for legal hell.

They acted like they had to get a lawyer because I was willing to work out a 50/50 agreement with W and that was "too good" for them because I needed to be "punished" and they were cackling with glee and saying things like "If you want to see your daughter you just have to get your attorney to agree with our attorney."

Now it feels almost effortless since I've laid the groundwork, the tracks are built, I've placed the locomotive on it, and W/MIL and their attorney are acting as if they are in shock. It wasn't supposed to go down like this... they were supposed to get everything they wanted. I was supposed to be bent over the judge's knee and spanked, then placed in the corner with a dunce hat writing checks to financially support W's A.

Reality is becoming more and more apparent... but instead of doing anything they seem to be moving further and further into their bubble where everything is gonna be alright and they can just pretend the legal stuff isn't happening and nothing will come of it.

It is bizarre... but not unexpected considering what I've read about BPD and my W's prior reactions to suggestions of counseling, etc. She literally will tune out anyone who says she needs help - and considering the Judge has ordered a psychological evaluation to be completed on her - she is likely tuning him out and will end up in handcuffs before she ends up being evaluated.

Sad situation...