Can't add much more! Good job T2...I read the subtext of Cathy's H looking for reassurances as well.
Is it fair?? HECK NO!! But it's something to work with, isn't it?
There is a lot of miscommunication, bob and weave going on here, Cathy but it sounds like your H really IS feeling around to see if there IS a chance with you.
I must say you do win the patience award, though, because AGAIN I have to remind myself that there is an OW in your sitch...the way your H talks, the time he spends with you...I just plain forget about her!
Quote: Quote by T2: : All this back and forth is not nearly as one sided as you might think. It's not all in his court...a great deal of it's in yours.
He's waiting for you to validate him. He needs to feel safe that YOU aren't always looking at him or thinking that he's a world class loser because of what he's done. His reaction to his sense of being rejected by you in any way is to revert back to his MEness. Which, ironically, is what probably built up your resentment to him that started this whole cycle going on between the two of you.
WE have to break the old patterns by responding differently to THIER OLD behaviors when they rear their ugly heads.
This really got me thinking, I didn't get it, but I think I see now what this means. His MEness was not him being mean or selfish, but him feeling rejected by me and thus the reason he acted this way. Then I reacted to what I perceived as his meanness and selfishness with my criticism, sarcasm and I don't care attitude.
Quote: Which, ironically, is what probably built up your resentment to him that started this whole cycle going on between the two of you.
THIS IS SO TRUE!! I feel like I'm finally seeing the light, finally. This is still sinking in and processing, but this might be the break through I've been looking for...I love you T2!!!!
Quote: He's waiting for you to validate him. He needs to feel safe that YOU aren't always looking at him or thinking that he's a world class loser because of what he's done. His reaction to his sense of being rejected by you in any way is to revert back to his MEness. Which, ironically, is what probably built up your resentment to him that started this whole cycle going on between the two of you.
WE have to break the old patterns by responding differently to THIER OLD behaviors when they rear their ugly heads.
Great advice T2! I'll store this one away for myself.
Quote: Quoting T24N: He's waiting for you to validate him. He needs to feel safe that YOU aren't always looking at him or thinking that he's a world class loser because of what he's done.
This easily can be turned into a goal towards seeking what brings you closer together.
Quote: Quoting Cathy: H was the one that said "if we're going to do things separately than I might as well not come back" thus the thought to invite him to the concert. He doesn't really like Shania so maybe I won't, my sis is going with me anyway. She would give up the seat if someone else wanted it and I wouldn't be disappointed at all if H didn't want to go, just trying to put an offer out there to see if he'll bite. So maybe I should use different bait (aren't you proud of me KAW?). My H is a little bit like a muskie, they're hard to catch, you can throw all the muskie baits at them that you can think of and they don't bite. When you've completely given up and stopped trying then you end up catching one and boy do they put up a fight. I think maybe the way to go is to invite him to do something with son and me.
I see this as a viable option to works towards the goal T2 pointed out, but perhaps a smaller step can be taken in the nearer future ... like maybe asking if he would like some help putting up the stands this weekend.
This is your chance to make a real difference. Maybe you're operating on a plan that was waiting for its time. Maybe you're grabbing at some untested idea that looks too perfect to ignore. You can use whatever works for you. Logic and emotion get equal time when you stand up to say what's on your mind or rally the crowd to your cause. What you're really doing here is propping open a window of opportunity to see what comes through. Some would call this tempting fate. Others would say that you're inviting the spirit.
Subtlety is difficult when you're in a hurry. If you scare away the thing that you're hunting, you may not get another chance for a good long time. Reevaluate your idea of progress.
These are horoscopes for today...how appropriate.
T2 poured her insights onto me and they are still soaking in....boy is my head hard. I'm retracting my stance that H is stubborn...well maybe not he is stubborn, but admit that I was/am/still/ okay a little stubborn.
It really gets a little easier when YOU accept the fact that believe it or not...your H hates himself more for failing YOU and himself....than YOU could ever hate what he's done.
He hides his self loathing behind his 'hardness/appearance of indifference'...when all the while he's ripping himself apart inside. HE KNOWS he's failed...YOU are his mirror. T2
(((((((((((((((T2,)))))))))))))) (is this hugs, can't remember, but they are too me.)
I cannot thank you enough for your insight, support and for visiting me. Not that anything's changed in my sitch, but hope is coming back and I see some light at the end of the tunnel...for today.
But it's something to work with, isn't it? 
, lord knows I've been in short supply of that these past few years.
