he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

glad to know im not alone, that someone else is in a similar position.

ive seen glimpses of the person i knew, and i think he really wanted to be that person again and just couldnt push his way through.

its unfortunate. my son will only know his old dad through pictures. he will see what we used to have, how fun everything looked in those pictures. all the parties and bbqs we used to make. the happiness.

i hope when husband lays down at night, he feels the weight of what he has done. when all is quiet, when he is not talking his lies of the day, he knows what he did and what he told people.

i know he will be back round my way, i know he will. it seems neither of us can really leave the other. he always leaves his stuff with me, he has never fully left.

i hope this time i am strong enough to turn him away.

this time i have to move, without him. its hard to think about.