A new thread, a new outlook.....

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Kev, Good to hear you are still keeping positive. Nice that you are still on really good terms with the IL.

[PositivelyMommy]

Hey Kev, thanks for visiting.

You have been quiet here. What's been happening. I feel that something is happening but you are not sharing with us. It's OK. But just concerned. Hope you are doing all right.

[Can it work]

Good Morning PM

I know I've been very quiet recently with regards to my own sitch. I wish I did have more to write but I'm really not sure where to start.

As much as I would love to report that I have some positive progress I don't really think I can. I'm playing a waiting game right now and I'm not really sure how to progress from here. I have little or no contact with my W other than when I either pick up or drop off Wee Man at her house. She's being pleasant enough with me but nothing out of the ordinary. It seems like she's really enjoying her life right now. I'm happy for her that she is but it means things are at a bit of a stalemate.

As for myself, I'm still enjoying myself as much as I possibly can and rarely have low points any more. I would still dearly love for my W to come home but I'm not holding on to that hope too much. I just feel I'm setting myself up for more disappointment if I get my hopes up too much. I've very much enjoyed improving myself and feel fitter and healthier than I have in long time. I'm now in regular touch with a good group of friends and enjoy a fairly active social life.

Wee Man is doing marvellous considering all that's happened. He's developing a wonderfully cheeky personality and is really coming along with his speaking. He always seems happy to go to either me or my W. I'm coping fine with looking after him on my own but know there's a lot of support for me if I need it. My W doesn't contact me at all to see how he's getting on when he's with me. That said, in going dark I don't contact her when he's with her either.

There are a couple of rumours going around about me seeing other women. I deny them to anyone who asks but my W has not yet been one of those who have asked. She's been to my house since I took the wedding photos down and I'm fairly sure she noticed but she never mentioned it at all.

So, that's where I am. I still want my W back, I've improved myself well I think and am already getting attention from other women because of my improvements. I'm not acting on any of them though as I still want to honour my vows and stay faithful to my W. There doesn't seem to be any animosity between my W and I at the moment and the conversations we have are generally pleasant. I'm managing not to act like I'm pursuing and she's not acting like she's pursuing either. I am enjoying my life and keeping really busy with every aspect of it.

Basically, as much as I hunt through this site and the DB/DR books, I can't seem to find any more ideas. I've resorted to basically waiting until we get to the 6 month mark since the separation as I've read in various places on here that many WAS begin to get second thoughts around that time. Right now though, my W seems to be content in her single life. I'm really not sure as to what else I can do except wait.

Kev

[Can it work]

I've just had an idea which may or may not work but I would like some opinions on it in any case.

My W's birthday is on the 21st June this year which just happens to be Father's day as well. I was thinking of asking her to accompany me and Wee Man to lunch. It's going to work out that it's my weekend with him so I thought it could be a good opportunity to try and get us to do something as a family.

I'm a bit reluctant to ask because I'm fairly sure she'll say no. Since her birthday is on a Sunday and she doesn't have Wee Man that weekend I imagine she'll be going out partying with her friends on the Saturday night. That will make it unlikely she'll be feeling up to doing anything the next day.

Ever since we shared a take away last time at my suggestion I've been waiting for her to ask me to do something with her but that's not happened yet. Should I just let it go or make the suggestion and ask her? It may seem like pursuing behaviour and I do want to avoid that but nothing seems to be progressing at all in my sitch.

Any views on this would be most appreciated.

Kev

[JCJ]

Hey Kev

You could ask her for a 'hangover breakfast' That makes it not so formal.

[Can it work]

Fair point J. That's what it would be anyway if she is out drinking the night before. One thing that does make me nervous about asking though is that I'm going to get yet more rejection. I've had enough from that woman already and it always puts me in a low mood when I get it.

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Hey Kev,

Do you e-mail each other? My DB coach said to just send funny little e-mails to spouse, e.g. what Weeman has done that is funny and see if you get a reaction. Test the water. So to speak rather than just out and say, 'hey, would you go out with me again?'
Just a suggestion, trying to think of baby steps.

[Can it work]

I send her text messages every now and again if Wee Man does something funny. She normally replies but she never returns the favour when he's with her. I've sent her joke e-mails before but never get anything back from her in return. It's not like she's not responsive. It's more like she's just being polite without really caring one way or the other. It leaves me not knowing one way or the other about anything. Sometimes when she phones to ask me something she'll sound quite happy but it's only ever straight to the point. It just feels like another stage of limbo to be honest. Nothing's really going wrong but there's absolutely no progress either.

Kev

[PositivelyMommy]

Oh then. I am glad you have been texting.

Ummm, I guess she is polite when she is around you but no flirting or anything on either side. Have you given her compliments to try to push the envelope a little? Like, did you get a new haircut, it looks good. Everyone wants to be told they look good. It sure works on my H. Or, I really like that dress on you, it suits you very well and the color is fab.

See if a little flirting get you anywhere, breaks the ice or not.

Mind like a beginner, what would you do to attract a new girlfriend? Don't think of her as your W. Think of yourself as a guy who sees a nice looking girl and you want her attention.

I know it's pursuing but it seems the going dark phase was good for slowing down the conflict and it has not brought her curiosity back on you so you need to do smtg different to mix things up.

Just a suggestion.

[Can it work]

I have given her compliments but not very recently I suppose. Maybe I do just need to get back in to flirting mode. It's very difficult to flirt with someone who has given you so much rejection in the past though. It doesn't seem to come naturally any more with my W and I really don't want it to sound forced.

I'll be visiting at some point over the weekend to see Wee Man though so I'll maybe try and turn it up just a little bit to see what happens. I'll maybe hold off on the birthday lunch just now and see how things are going nearer the time.

Thank you for your help PM.