Cherrish Needs Immediate Help!!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

Cire2,

I recognize your "name" and I trust your judgement and assessment that he's a stand up guy. My wording and tone was harsher than I might personally feel, to prepare HIM for another POV since he's not exactly having great luck in the courts AND i HAVE to wonder if he has just gotten so fed up and tired that he pulled the old "head in the sand -if I don't say or do anything maybe ex/court will go away" theory which guess what? IT IS NOT WORKING WELL...geez...

IF he is not happy with his DIV L...well, he needs a new one. Hey They are NOT married! Oh AND no I don't do that type of law.

What I know of D law is either from the law school basics and or what I learned/did years ago, family experiences & when I had to take those cases (gross) AND OR what I learned from MY sitch recently in this area. I researched my sitch a lot. But I also NEVER DREAMED of representing myself and am always amused AND bugged when I hear of couples who are SO furious with each other, but are also saying "we'll handle the D w/o L's b/c why should we GIVE all our money to L's?" Gee, not that div law isn't super fun, but if you two are getting along so well, why the heck are you getting divorced? OH yeah, b/c one of you is a liar, or worse, And you will end up spending way more b/c it'll take longer and there will be redundancies, and oh by the way if there are CHILDREN involved, why take that risk??? OMG why not do some surgery yourself and not pay a doctor to do it, and SAVE MONEY?
Oh, b/c it's so risky and such an important event? YEAH, kind of like M and D...

When I was looking for a div L, I asked a few people this- "do you know anyone who got div, who was happy or satisfied with THEIR L, or thinks their X's L was really good?" I preferred people who were all through with their div and not still IN it so they could see how it all worked out in the end....and I got 3 names and went to meet them all, but knew when I met the one I chose, that she would be the one. She answered ALL my questions and allayed my fears AND probably is a big reason we are NOT divorced. The info she gave me, and her assessments, made me feel better. My Fears and staying M? NO...feelings of safety so I know I'm M b/c I want to be, I choose to be. Not 'stuck and M', but choosing to stay and work on the M...there's a big diff.

Unlike some L's, mine told me that she had "hopes for our M" and did not think I should file for DIV but instead file for sep to protect the property as H was full blown "investing" in heroes ideas du jour, etc. But she knew I loved him and in her opinion there was hope, and she thought h would take the Div filing too hard and would lessen chances of recon and she was probably right. She also watched out for me and gave me some tough love advice about finances...but was NEVER sleazy or nasty or sneaky. Know what I mean? Anyhow...I have nothing but good stuff to say about her and she was referred to me by someone else who felt the same way.

Oh, as for costs, hey, I say "don't skimp on cosmetic surgery, wills, divorces or fire extinguishers" b/c when those things fail, it's too late to fix. (Wills that don't work, are exceedinly hard to repair when you are gone B/C YOU ARE GONE...so no, I'm not a fan of do it yourself stuff if it is very very important. I HAVE done drywall myself though...) and sure, if you only own a shirt and a bike helmet, a DIY will is fine. Same goes for divorces of those without any property or kids...how many are there? With this man's kids and this type of div history, cherr needs to do the "Put the stake thru the vampire's heart" b/c she'll come back again and again to suck out more blood if she is able, so he needs to legally END this...to the extent possible. If he wins the lottery (or if she does), ie IF THINGS CHANGE SUBSTANTIALLY for any party, yes you can get things modified. That is always true. Cohabitation clauses are very common now. I didn't like them then b/c I felt that my "alimony" was not "alimony" but restitution for putting h thru all that schooling but the law here is what it is. IOW, I felt, "so what" if I remarried? H owed ME not b/c i can't support myself and need a man to do so, but b/c I enabled/supported H to get where HE is....luckily, did not come to that.

Anyhow, hope this helps clear up some things for him and yes CHERRH you need to post here so we know you are not skipping off to join some revolutionary group or live on the streets...

Hey also, it is okay to change L's. It really is. Has anything gone your way, legally? If not, if you really feel that the case was fairly obvious OR SHOULD HAVE been, then switch Ls or at least consult another one or two or 6...

good luck
(( j ))