Thank you Snodderly you always are here for me and know just the right things to say. What I like about you is you are honest with me but in a nice way, not so harsh. Trying to make someone realize what they need to be doing is ok, but coming off so harsh sometimes can be so upsetting...especially when your world is already turned upside down. I had a good Church Service tonight. Tonight they had sort of a Bible Study. It is nice sometimes to just hear God's Word. I do reach out to others, I have never had a problem reaching out. By the way I write, you should know that by know.lol I have asked GOD to heal me. I also pray for my xh, son and nephew as for many others as well. I do hope soooo much that xh and I get a chance to speak again one day, to sit down and have dinner together and become friends. He use to agree with me that we had to become friends before anything else could happen. Maybe he was just agreeing for the sake of hushing me up, I dont know, but its the truth, we have to become friends. Snodderly its been over 8 months since my xh left. A very lonely 8 months. I sometimes cant believe its been that long. I still cry every now and then. I dont usually cry myself to sleep. The nights seem to be the loneliest time of the day for me. I did ask my paster tonight if he knew of IC, he gave me a name, he said he didnt know how much it costs but he thinks it goes by your income. I hope so. I want to reach out to my son, but he pretty much as shut himself down and doesnt want to discuss his dad. If I even ask him if he talked with his dad lately he gets upset. If he knows I am praying about our family being restored, he will tell me that hes never coming back and to get real. He wont ask his father for anything! He is scared to ask for anything. He always uses a very very nice tone with his dad and when he does work up courage to ask for something he says stuff like "that ok dad dont worry about it.", when his father tells him no. I dont want my son to live in fear of losing his father. When I was calling my xh, my son would say mom stop it you are going to make him stop talking to me to. He is so scared, I know he is. He says he talks to him almost every day, so that is something. When do the thoughts of the past stop? Am I not moving along as others have? It seems that no matter what I do and no matter how much I do, I still think about xh and still love him. I cant get angry and stay angry at him. I dont have it in my heart.
