So you asked me to look at your sitch. Which I did. First things first -- I know nothing. I'm making all this stuff up as I go along. Fakin' it 'till I make it.
What occurs to me is that you already have plenty of mojo. You've just compartmentalized it.
Compare
@5/6/09: "you can't just choose to detach"
to
@5/21/09: "Work was good today. We kicked a$$ on our demo's!"
So you're busting out the mojolation for work, but not for yourself. Why would that be?
Any number of possible reasons, but I suspect the biggest one (as it was for me) is The Fear -- yellow, freakin' fear. Fear that if you bust a Mojo on H he'll walk; fear that if you wield your Mojolicious powers over H he'll cave and you'll get what you want and find you don't want it; fear that your Mojo will drive H away and you'll lose what you've gained; fear that H is Mojo-proof -- only you know the name of demon that lurks in the dark. Maybe, just maybe, you'd rather have what you have than risk shooting craps. And maybe, just maybe, that "settling for" is really what's eating away at you?
The answer is -- we don't know. Because you don't know.
So what do you do? You save your Mojo for work, where you can be You with a capital "Y," and you let H -- and your desire for H and the fact that, at the end of the day, as frustrating and irritating and disappointing as it is you LIKE having H around -- you let that force you to sublimate your Mojo -- to deny your Mojo within the sanctified walls of Home.
"You can't just choose to detach," you wrote. Sure you can. If you want to. That's what the Mojo is for. You pretend you're detached. And after a while the pretending stops being pretending and starts being real.
And you know this to be true -- you go to a job. How we behave on the job -- it's all pretend. It's make-believe. Oh, sure, maybe we've got skills and knowledge -- but that attitude, that persona?
Phony as a 3-dollar bill. Really -- do you think used car salesmen sound like that at home? "Hey! Kids! I'd love to put you into a classic episode of SpongeBob! Now wait! Don't love it 'till you try it! And if you watch SpongeBob today! For the incredibly low price of Free! I'll throw in a Hannah Montana! AND a scoop of ice cream! After I check with my manager!"
So when you're en route to that job -- "Demo's went well in IA," you wrote -- somewhere between H and Home and boss and work, you stop being mindblank and start being Una Mojalera Mejor who "kicked a$$." So is that Job Person really you?
Of course it is. It's You, big Y, wearing your Game Face. Wearing your Battle Mask. Slipping on your tights and putting on the A$$-Kicking Pro From Dover cape -- MojoWoman.
And of course it isn't. It's the You you created for the moment, for the job, for the mission. To address the Need -- the need for a$$-kicking mojolation to Make The Sale.
And then you go back home and - poof! - turn into mindblank.
So let me ask you -- why're you leaving your Mojo on the front steps? You've got the Mojo -- in spades. Why do you fear it?
