Maybe YOU can't see it..but I can. Your H sounds very very confused. They all get so completely lost after they've messed up their lives this way that they really don't know which way to turn from one minute to the next. Your Hs insecurity about your being able to 'accept' him again, after his dismal life choices of late, keep him spinning with fear of rejection from YOU.
All this back and forth is not nearly as one sided as you might think. It's not all in his court...a great deal of it's in yours.
He's waiting for you to validate him. He needs to feel safe that YOU aren't always looking at him or thinking that he's a world class loser because of what he's done. His reaction to his sense of being rejected by you in any way is to revert back to his MEness. Which, ironically, is what probably built up your resentment to him that started this whole cycle going on between the two of you.
WE have to break the old patterns by responding differently to THIER OLD behaviors when they rear their ugly heads.
It's a whole lot of work for us, there's no doubt about that, but sounds to me like your H is screaming for a little reassurance too, despite the fact that YOU need it more. Remember...they're like "kids"...and we're the grownups. T2
