I posted earlier in another forum, but this might be a better place. W dropped D bomb 12/08, with ILYBINILWY. EA/PA recently discovered and admitted - probably going on for 6 months. She repeatedly denied it during this time. Lots of texting and email. Brushed off counseling and blamed me for everything.
The dust is settling from the admission of the EA/PA and she admits mistake. She also sees that getting a D would be devastating to family.
I have been doing a 180 and detaching which is at least helping me. I have a question though. I'm pretty sure that she liked the attention that she got from the OM. That is her personality Over the last couple of years, I have been more distant because my work has kept me in and out of projects, and this has taken its toll on the M.
Now given that i'm implementing a detach strategy, how do I reconcile the fact that she also 'needs' some attention too.
Another question, does anyone have an opinion on using exposure of the EA/PA? It might not be the case for everyone, but sometimes the wayward w has one special person in her life that she completely respects, like a mom or sister. is there value in exposing the EA/PA to that person b/c that might help shake S out of the fog?
Do you know if she is currently still seeing the OM?
In my sitch, exposure of the EA to my MIL and others was a mistake; it did not have the desired effect of breaking her loose from the fog. Maybe exposure of the A to the OPs SO would have had a possibility (but there was no OP SO in my sitch; meh).
All WAS like the attention, sex, whatever they are getting from the OP or they wouldn't be doing what they are doing. Until they process it, though, you are just spinning your wheels and getting no-where. Detach, detach, and detach some more.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
Not sure. I don't think so. Maybe some texts and emails but i don't think so. She said i could look at her accounts at any time. If I ask about passwords, like another poster did, I'm not sure what she'd say. Probably not.
I get the detaching thing, but one of the reasons that i'm here is b/c she believes that i have been distant. Did you have to reconcile this.
Wow. You were at this for a year? Glad things turned around for you.
