he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

thank you. whats my plan?

well, my plan is to move from my big beautiful house to an apartment, i am going to choose between 2 locations, both are nice and in great school districts.

career? not so sure. i have a degree in marketing but i dont really want to go back to working 9 to 5 at some office job. i will figure it out. its hard when u have been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years and money was never an issue.

its so hard. but its ok. because if i can do something i like, that fits into school hours, it wont feel much like work.

this pain is so unreal, so deep, even though really i have been at this for almost 3 years.

i am truly grieving for what i once had, this just has to be it.

i cannot ever allow him to torture me like this again.

because torture is truly what this was. some form of mental emotional abuse.

i told him not to come home unless he was truly committed to working on us and being a family, not to come home and open a business unless he felt he could really work this out.

and this is what he does? not even 2 months later? uhhh.

and knowing us, time will pass and he will linger around me, i swear i hope im strong enough to turn him away.

part of him wants him now, so badly, and i think its just to make the pain go away, to be able to say ha, i have him, not you.

my therapist said sometimes the wife just wants to win. maybe that is what this has been to me.

i dont know.

i will miss our sex life very much, i cannot fathom not being with him ever again. i guess is shouldnt think about it.