I was sitting on the couch reading your post and all of a suddent it hit me, this was me, an emotional cripple and have been most of most of my life until "my world was rocked." Selfishness, hurtful unexcusable behaviors, nastiness towards my H, my family and others. I had a chip on my shoulder a mile wide. I resented the whole world and if someone didn't like me the way I was than too bad that was their problem. I was awful. Here I'm so focused on H's bad behavior and this is where I was just six short months ago..am I a hypocrite or what?
This hits so close to home and I've changed the wording a little:
Quote: I have learned the hard way through this process that very little of what anybody said or did had had nearly as much impact on my changing, as has me slowly coming to see for myself , the destructiveness and dishonor of my life's choices. Those self realizations are what's impacting/changing me in some measure now, NOT what anybody's said or done. Oh, I think some of what people have said is now ringing in my ears, but ONLY because now I am beginning to see things for myself , on my own.
If what happened to me hadn't happened I wouldn't be the person I am now becoming and liking. All these years H and I have been together, I knew deep down inside that I needed to change, but I was too lazy, didn't want to have to do it and besides why should I change....oh my gosh.
I don't know what I'm getting at but I myself came so close to being a WA, but I just didn't have the guts to do it or didn't put myself in a position for it to happen. If H hadn't walked away who knows what would have happened, maybe I would have been the one to find someone else, god knows I thought about it enough. Just by being thoughtless and uncaring towards H I didn't have to WA either, I pushed him out the door and made him do the dirty work....what a mess.
