I was just thinking about this when you said "what would rock their world" and it would be the ultimatum, but I don't want to have to give an ultimatum. You're right, if I do I have to able to follow through. At this point I'm not ready to follow through.
I am working on myself and become stronger, where now when he does something or says something, i.e., giving OW a b-day party a few weeks ago, I have to ask myself these two questions:
1. If we are getting divorced it doesn't matter. 2. If we are staying together it doesn't matter.
I want H to decide what he's doing, he is waiting for me to decide I know that, but I don't want to decide. I want him to say we're Ding or he's coming back.
As long as I remain pleasant, act as if, not let him push my buttons, keep doing 180's he really doesn't have a reason to not come back. Anyway that's the way I feel.
My H is like T2's, quote T2:
I've realized that in some ways, I'm expecting him to be a man he NEVER was. The truth is, he's always kept a certain emotional distance between us, he's always kept his guard up. He's never been a hearts and flowers kind of guy, he's always thought of his needs, wants, feelings first before ANYONE elses. So I shouldn't be shocked that he was capable of an affair, I shouldn't be disappointed that he's still closed up in many ways because that is who he's always been and if that can't change then I'm not sure it'll be enough for me anymore. I'd rather be 'alone' without him, then to feel alone with him....I've already been there, done that for too many years.
I'm still letting all posts from today sink in and will have more later. S is overtired and I need to take him for a ride, he'll fall asleep for the night.
