Peeled myself out of bed. Best friend texted me "Maybe we are the narcissists." She and I spend an exorbitant amount of time analyzing and dissecting..."absolutely we are. Just a different kind," I answered.
So, we've resolved, less talking more LIVING.
AND, S9 has a sleeping/allergy issue and I just mindlessly pulled something natural out of my cupboard the other night to help him sleep (mind you I've tried EVERYTHING)...and, he slept through the whole night and woke up past 7 two nights in a row (normally wakes up at 5 or 6)...so today, when I pulled my head out of my sitch long enough to recognize this, I was struck with joy and relief. Something to be truly grateful for. Poor guy barely sleeps most of the time and now, 2 days!!. He looked like a new kid.
Realizing my mind is still spinning on what I could/should say to H or do or blah blah blah...so, I let it spin and move on to what am I going to do next for me today, or for the kids.
I feel a bit like a sitting duck here awaiting his return. A big whopping 180 is SO needed right now. I need to FEEL different in this paradigm with H. I need to feel different for me. I've got some little things up my sleeve but I need a biggie.
I liked your long not-sent letter. Mine's up to about 55 pages by now, but I suffer from Prolixity.
I liked best the part right in the middle. Where you tell him, essentially, to put up or shut up.
There's really only two questions that are relevant, it seems to me:
1. Why should I be friends with you?
2. What does "friends" do for you that "spouses" doesn't?
Until and unless he can answer those questions, I'd tell him to take his mesh Euro-weenie underpants and his Friggity Frog Smell-Sweet Sh*t and his cravat and take a bloody hike.
I liked your long not-sent letter. Mine's up to about 55 pages by now, but I suffer from Prolixity.
I liked best the part right in the middle. Where you tell him, essentially, to put up or shut up.
There's really only two questions that are relevant, it seems to me:
1. Why should I be friends with you?
2. What does "friends" do for you that "spouses" doesn't?
Until and unless he can answer those questions, I'd tell him to take his mesh Euro-weenie underpants and his Friggity Frog Smell-Sweet Sh*t and his cravat and take a bloody hike.
SP- thanks for keeping me laughing. It really helps.
Pondering the value of pursuing anything re: friends question. Froggy was drinking and a million miles away.
Beg to differ. The REAL real question -- What NOT next for La Moja?
Hint: 4-word sentence that includes the words "more," "of," "the," and "same."
Beg to differ on your differing. Can't actively do not doing "more," "of," "the," and "same."
Need to do something instead or else I am doing more of the same by obsessing about how I am going to not do more of the same...look at me, I'm not doing more of the same, I'm...uh, uh...drinking bubbly water instead of flat...
Also, I'm officially launching "Operation Supress Urges to Point Out to Froggy That he is Doing to Kids What Was Done to Him and Exactly What Screwed Him Up and Caused Him so Much Insecurity and MIsery."
Yeah, I called her out on it. Produced a Major Crisis that involved spitting in ol' SP's face and, later, the acknowledgment that, had WAW had a gun she would have shot the boy -- THAT'S how p*ssed she was.
Then, a couple days later, a Major WAW Crisis of Confidence in which she confessed it all. That was the first break in the Wall Of Invulnerability. Didn't recognize it at the time, but I can see it was an important event.
Interesting. How long ago was that? I've had some mini versions of that but every time H leaves town and submerges himself in the underworld and then returns, it sort of starts over.
Not sure if it is worth it except maybe to ask him if he has looked at this from the kids perspectives? But, really I think I have said it all. This is the hardest part. Seeing the sadness and confusion of my boys. And, they don't really express it to H.
Likely, this little lady isn't going to be able to tell big Froggy how to be a man.
BTW- I've always though of H as a sort of super combo of Euro-American. He had the best of each going for him. Now, the euro is in hyperdrive with a dash of American frat boy...not pretty. But no mesh panties. LOL I styled him a long time ago dammit.
Here's a new dittie-
Him, him, him, him, him...barf. I need to stop now.
