Hey K.. I just think.. if you love him, its worth it, if you dont.. then, its a no brainer.. but then, you have kids so that viewpoint is not always valid. You dont seem to have alot of good things to say about H, other than he is calm, polite, a good father, not abusive.. but you never say.. he makes you laugh, he is your best friend, you cant take your eyes off him when you see him (once a week).. you have the urge to kiss him all over, rip his clothes off, tell him something funny that happened to you today... etc etc etc..It just doesnt seem right to me, its not how it should be.
Have you tried doing all those things on the list? Fake it till you make it? If you feel limp, wilting and dead inside from lack of attention/love.. how do you think he is feeling inside? Because, although we understand the reasons.. you arent sending much love and attention his way either. You are like 2 plants in an understair cupboard. Someone needs to come take you out and sit you somewhere new, in the light, where you can breathe.
That reminds me of the symobolism of pluto transits (pluto has been transiting your 7th house of marriage and significant others for the past 12 years and has just left that house, so a transition period, a "death" of the old R).. We are like a plant, that has grown too big for its pot.. our roots are strangled and we can no longer grow. We wilt and start to slowly die in fact.. until someone comes along and yanks us out of our pot. They leave us on the side, stripped bare to our roots, vunerable, exposed.. we dont know if we will survive, we are afraid, fearful, its painful, we want to go back to what was old and familiar, but we know we never can its already too late, we have outgrown those old conditions.. and then, just as all hope is lost.. the new pot is ready.. we are put back into the earth and now there is so much space to grow, we flourish and change and are transformed, we look around and we dont recognise ourselves, we are bigger, healthier, our roots, although scarred, are stronger and tougher and have learnt to survive.
