BUNS, ABS, AND HEART OF STEEL #3

[ACJ]

Ali,

You are probably right about some of the tings you stated about Trustings exH. However I have a H who has done just this many times over the last nearly 4 years. The first time he did it was after a long weekend in Amsterdam. He had known OW just 12wks at the time. My children had not met her and actually had probably only known about her for a couple of weeks b/c I kept it from them as long as possible (given that these timescales virtually match the length of time he had been left at the time). Anyway he came to see them just hours after returning from this bohemian trip (they stayed in youth hostels NB: this is a man who would never go camping!) but armed with a photo album of the holdiay. He came stood in my house and told them outright (they were 10, 13 and 15 at the time) I brought this to show you b/c I want you to see a picture of my new girlfriend and I want you to see how happy we are. I just need to point out that prior to going on this trip he sent them a letter to tell them that he had never loved me as much as he loved OW, that he had given them everything for 16 years and now it was his turn. He also hoped that when they were adults they found the sort of love that he now had with OW and that he was not going to give it up for anyone.

So yes you might ask Trusting to work on her forgiveness and acceptance but from what I've read of her H he sounds v. similar to mine and in the instance I have just outlined mine clearly wanted to shove OW down their throats. It hurt then and it hurts now (even if it is supressed by them). That does not make forgiveness and acceptance easy to work on.