H took a day off on Friday, and had a 4 day weekend. We spent a lot of time together and with the kids. We had a babysitter on Sat nite so we went out on a date night. He likes to go hang out at this filthy drive in with a bunch of car people and show off his car, so I offerred that we should do that. This is really not something I enjoy, so I did it for him, and I did it with a good attitude. He had a good time, and I did too, sorta...
When we got home, he initiated ML. I had thought about it for a while, and I was honestly just so tired of the duty sex, and I told him I wanted to take a break from that for a while. I wanted to give him some time to get started in therapy and not be worried about this for a while. I told him that I was pretty sure that we would start up again soon enough, but that I wanted it to be for him too. I don't know if this was the right thing to do, but it seemes to have worked out ok.
He didn't get it at first. He asked what happens if things never change and he cannot change his LD. I didn't really answer, cause I honestly don't know. I did say that I am committed to our marriage and I am so happy that he is willing to work towards making things better. He said that he thought it might be too late and I might be too hurt. He said he thought that I was already "gone" and nothing he could do could bring me back. (I think this is a result of GALing. It freaks him out to see me exercising and taking care of myself. He likes it, but it freaks him out.) I told him that I was hurt, but not beyond repair. We talked a lot. He re-committed to find a therapist and make an appointment.
On Tuesday after the big weekend, he called around and found a therapist. He has an appointment Thursday. He has been very sweet. He has been holding my hand and snuggling at night. He asked if we could work on our hobbies after the kids went to bed, instead of watching TV. He works on one hobby, I work on another, but we are in the same room. I'm hoping that the time together without the pressure of direct conversation will help him open up. I have read that this is effective with teenagers, so who knows? Maybe it will work with him.
In the meantime, I am still completely in the dark about the why of the whole thing. Sort of patiently waiting.
