Quote: He is a yeller and I am just beginning to accept this, that it's just who he is and that if he could just lower the decibel a little it would be more acceptable.

As a former yeller, it IS possible for us to GET how this behaviour affects others and do more than just turn the volume down...I try to be very conscious of this, and it is much much better.

Quote: But it's not about whether it bothers me or not it's about respect. It also can affect a person's self esteem and that's not what I want for S3. H has called S19 stupid, idiot, [censored], etc. when he was a lot younger and it did affect S19.


EXACTLY! It is just plain NOT respectful! It sure feels familiar to us yellers, but familiar doesn't make it RIGHT!

I, for example, wouldn't dream of speaking to my friends as I've spoken to CJ, or have them spin in the wake of a freakout! I'll bet your H doesn't speak that way to his boss!

My point is...we CAN choose to express our frustrations and such in far less destructive ways. We can learn when to back off completely (like "what did you do all day" ), we can learn to count to ten, meditation has helped from the standpoint of letting go.

And when we mess up and our anger spills over and affects you...we can learn to hear you when you tell us how you feel, and apologize.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't just settle for lower volume, there's a whole lot better than that if you both work at it!

Shiny