OK for men with wives having an affair, has OM...

[Sugar and Spice]

have you SPOKEN TO THIS OW YET???? wow do i think thats a conversation you need to have dont you? If its truly OVER then Id want to hear it straight from her, not him

We have had VERY limited contact simply because she will not speak to me. She texts ugly and hurtful things, but the invitation I extended to talk has thusfar been declined. I'm the last person she wants to talk to...EVER!!!

1) Do you want him back? no ifs or buts or whatever just simple outright, do you? we can think about the "only ifs" after thats answered. Do you WANT him back??? OR, did you really just want HIM to WANT to come back? and now its happened, your thrown for a loop?

I would have to say yes. I am the type of person who would regret not giving it that last try, even if it put the final nail in the coffin.

2) Who broke up the relationship him or her. Thats a pretty important question.

Depends on who you ask. I would have to say at this point it has been/is him. What has actually been done, that is. Why?

(3) Is H running from her, or running from what sounds like the sitation of an unplanned pregnancy an a new child? Do you think he'd still be there, if the baby hadnt come?

I think real life is/has seeped into the fantasy and its not pretty. He has no intention of not being a part of his childs life and so he isn't running from the responsibility of the baby. No, I don't think he'd still be there if there hadn't been a baby, but on the flip...who knows how much worse it could have been. They share a major addiction to gambling and that has fed the R for a long time.

4) You are going to have to live for the rest of your life with the fact your man had a child with an OW. CAN you do that and do you WANT to. BEFORE ANSWERING, remember that no matter HOW bitter you feel about this (an who wouldnt) what i am really really asking you is, is being without him a better alternative than having to live with that.

5) Would you be prepared in any way to integrate this child into your family or does the idea totally alienate you. What about the rest of your family

As for #4, I already live with that. It can't be changed and even if we D tomorrow, I have children with him and so this is not a reality that is ever going to change. They have a new 1/2 sister...it is what it is. #5) I have always been very clear on none of this being that poor childs fault. She is going to have enough to deal with, without me trying to make this about her. The only way it could ever work would be for her to be integrated into our existing family. I don't want to be her mother, but I would have no issue with being a part of her life and watching her grow up.

6) WHY DOES H WANT TO COME HOME NOW

He says because he wants to give our M another try. That he feels like we owe it to ourselves (each other) to try and make it work.