Shiny you are ray of sunshine today. It's rainy and cloudy here.
Quote: Seems to me that PART of your H's problem is that he doesn't HEAR himself...it's NOT yelling to him, it's no big deal to call you an idiot etc.
Tell me, Cath, is this kind of how his family is?
His family isn't like that so much, his dad used to call him names, such as, stupid, belittle him a lot, etc. So this is why he thinks it's okay and he doesn't think it's a big deal, you're right. He's even said so, this is the way my dad treated me. It really doesn't bother me that much either, because my family is kind of like that too, if you do something stupid, they say it. But it's not about whether it bothers me or not it's about respect. It also can affect a person's self esteem and that's not what I want for S3. H has called S19 stupid, idiot, [censored], etc. when he was a lot younger and it did affect S19.
Quote: Have you tried to just tell him how his words make you feel?
As in "When you call me an idiot, I feel like a child being scolded by a parent, and it really hurts"
I've never said those exact words, but have told him why I don't like yelling. I was yelled at a lot when I was growing up. One of the reason I don't like being yelled at, I do feel like a bad child. He is a yeller and I am just beginning to accept this, that it's just who he is and that if he could just lower the decibel a little it would be more acceptable.
Quote: But also making it clear, in a non-heated manner that his current/ongoing behaviours are not acceptable, and why, and then perhaps retreat if necessary?
I did an okay job of retreating yesterday and I guess he did hear me say he was mean. So maybe he heard me today when I said "you don't want to do anything with me and I'm not going to sit at home either."
He needs to think about what he says to me, because he's the one who left me.
If he goes to the party tomorrow night and everybody's been drinking, I have feeling his family is going to start giving him a hard time about what he's doing so maybe it's better that I'm not there.
