Peeled myself out of bed. Best friend texted me "Maybe we are the narcissists." She and I spend an exorbitant amount of time analyzing and dissecting..."absolutely we are. Just a different kind," I answered.
So, we've resolved, less talking more LIVING.
AND, S9 has a sleeping/allergy issue and I just mindlessly pulled something natural out of my cupboard the other night to help him sleep (mind you I've tried EVERYTHING)...and, he slept through the whole night and woke up past 7 two nights in a row (normally wakes up at 5 or 6)...so today, when I pulled my head out of my sitch long enough to recognize this, I was struck with joy and relief. Something to be truly grateful for. Poor guy barely sleeps most of the time and now, 2 days!!. He looked like a new kid.
Realizing my mind is still spinning on what I could/should say to H or do or blah blah blah...so, I let it spin and move on to what am I going to do next for me today, or for the kids.
I feel a bit like a sitting duck here awaiting his return. A big whopping 180 is SO needed right now. I need to FEEL different in this paradigm with H. I need to feel different for me. I've got some little things up my sleeve but I need a biggie.
