Another newcomer - already finding help

[AlexEN]

Fair enough...

Part of why I ask is that I contrast your mojo-mindset where, arguably, you've achieved the SOFTER mindset that it seems Puppy is wrestling to find in his sitch and I wonder if a WAS' PA makes it geometrically (or even logarithmically) harder to find mojo-dom.

Intellectually, I want to be where you are, but I am fighting some of the same demons Puppy is (my wife had PA). I know I tell myself that the deceit is what's harder to forgive and forget (which would put an EA and PA more or less on equal footing), but the psychological underpinnings of a PA often seem to overwhelm where I want to be... If that makes any sense.

Meandering slightly off-topic, although the crux of the matter is still "dropping the rope" (and the elephant analogy on another thread is great), but I spoke with the Fabulous Jody yesterday and she suggested that the following approach might let me drop the rope:

Let W know that... "I finally truly get it that you don't want to be my W any longer... and that you haven't for quite some time... I thought I could still be your H, even though you've made it clear you aren't my W... (and, since the "cake-eating", both financially and with respect to her still wanting to be BFFs is part of what I think gets in the way of my ability to achieve softness/mojolation/dropping-the-rope, adding...) But that also means you do what you feel you want and need to do, and I will do the same. I am no longer responsible for you and you are not responsible for me. But, with respect to what's best for the kids, we need to be friendly and civil to each other. Friendship is a noble long-term goal, but not in the cards for the near future.

... although I AM tempted to throw in that friends-with-benefits line of reasoning, too...

-AlexEN