Newly Separated and Heartbroken

[ALJ]

Thank you so much everyone for your inspirational words. They have really helped me a lot. Yesterday was the first day that I saw a conselor. She did stress to me that I am not %100 to blame for our marriage falling apart. I had been having a hard time accepting this. She wants to see me on a daily basis. I also joined the gym yesterday and went participated in 2 workout classes. My muscles are paying for it today


My H did say that he wanted a legal separation before he left but we did not file any papers or consult any lawyers. He has not brought it up again so I guess we are just separated for now. All of his mail still comes to the house, including his unemployment check and I still handle the paying of our bills. We are not financially able to afford a legal separation or divorce at this time so I wonder if this is why he has not pressed the issue.

I have not told my family about us separating. They just think that H is down south working on building up his company and that he will be back. If they knew the truth, they probably would be highly upset and mad. I know that they love me and dont want to see me hurt but I dont need all that drama right now and I just dont want anyone badmouthing H to me or causing more problems and tension in our R. He, on the other hand, has told his mom and sister. I have been talking with his mom and she hopes that my H will come to his senses and work on our marriage. She is a sweet lady and so is my sister in law

I still have down days much more than up days. I dont contact H, he calls me every other day. He does not ask me how I am or what have I been doing with myself. I get mad about this sometimes because its like he doesnt care. I am still the mother of his children so he could at least inquire about my welfare. But I also remember that I am dealing with someone who is confused and he is not the same person that I once knew. I do have to work on not trying to hold on to him through conversation and be the first one to end it on the phone. I slipped up and texted him message saying "I really enjoy hearing your voice on the phone when u call." Then I sent another stating " I apologize for sending that message." Of course he didnt respond to either of them.

I am going to take one day at a time and even though I might feel alone, I know I am not because of the great support system here on this online community of people who are or have been in my shoes.