How can I ever say "I am done" when I know that, this decision will forever affect my kids?
In fact, I still struggle w/this at times b/c my D will cry and say that she wishes we were together. The other day, D was laying in bed w/me and said "I miss laying in between you and mommy."
Broke my heart.
So, what is the answer? I wish I knew for sure, but all I can say is I've personally had to look inside of me and decide what I can and can not live w/anymore.
My XW is gone for good for several reasons - mainly, that I don't believe she has the ability to go back and correct all of the lies and wrong-doing of the past. I don't have faith she can admit she was so terribly wrong in how she handled things. I was able to come to grips w/my limitations and my contributions to the troubles we had, but she can't.
So, because I've lost complete faith in her to be accountable for her actions, I made the painful decision to move on and not spend excess amounts of time looking back.
It hurt like Hell to do, but w/each day it has been easier and easier. I think D can see that I'm happier as well and it has lessened her stress. My X now w/BF #3 since she filed (actually #1 was around pre-filing) has also solidified things that I'm no longer the one who can fill the void inside of her. Her new guy is COMPLETELY a square peg in a round hole and just goes to show me how insecure she really is.
So, I guess I can only say that you'll know when you've had enough and the decision won't be easy for you to make. However, you have to do what is best for YOU in this situation. I know that you think about the effect on your children and you should.
That said, your children will mirror you. If you are happy, they will sense it and although they will always long for you and H to be a family, they will be much, much happier w/a healthy, happy you than w/you and H together in a loveless M.
They will always have scars and pain from the separation. We can't protect them from that. However, as long as they are loved by you both, they will adjust, heal and thrive.
Now is the time for Maria to do what is best for Maria's long-term happiness. If that means making things "officially" over, then so be it.
Time has a funny way of healing our wounds and making us stronger. The hardest part is getting started.
You are not at fault for staying and you are not at fault for ending the M. Either choice is the correct choice as long as your heart is in it for the right reasons.
That said, know I'll always support you either way.
