Thank you, I appreciate the posts. I went a week with no R talk and than I just felt like I needed to tell H what he may be going through and that if it is a MLC it will be a journey he needs to walk alone. He is skeptical but did see a couple of issues I raised that he could relate. He told me he weighed himself and he is 150 lbs. about 10 less than when he graduated high school. He was wondering if he was depressed or had cancer. I said you clearly are depressed and felt thee was nothing we can do alone to work on those issues. We've hit a wall. I raised the point again of possibly talking with someone about his depression because he always wants to figure things out on his own, he does not want to involve a third party no matter how non-threatening. He said he doesn't want to drag our whole history out in the open or tell someone that I am not curious/read enough books or sexual enough. I had been employing successful DB'ing techniques but after the bomb the last thing I feel like doing is being sexy for him. The best I have been able to do is try to smile, come up with activities that he can either join in or not. Last night as we were talking he just said he was tired and if we could talk later. By the way, he never ever has initiated to talk R so I know I just needed to stop. I excused myself and cried myself to sleep on the couch.
Today I am just numb and wish H would just leave. I was quiet this morning said good morning and he just had a smirk back.
I will go back to not talking R and we'll see what happens. H was always so loving and caring and we touched/hugged often. This has basically stopped and I miss the touch so much and it is usually just an arm reach away. He indicated he doesn't feel touching would be appropriate after the bomb but still lusts after me. However, he is still compelled to leave.
My main stress point that I obviously have beat over his head is that we are not alone that we are not going through something unusual there is help, non-judgmental help, all we have to do is try. Almost a year later and all I get is his reply that he is too blame for not trying hard enough - the fact is he does not want to and I need to stop beating my head against the wall.
MLC is the only answer that makes sense to me because how else could someone say they no longer want to be married and than just stick around. So I guess I just have to understand that he is gone for now and there is no telling when he will be back if ever.
I give you all so much respect for employing those DB'ing techniques for so long and for working on yourself. You are an inspiration and I will turn a new leaf today and commence positive, health behaviors.
Michele Me 42 H 41 M 16 yrs. Together 22 yrs. No Kids Bomb 5/16/09 Still at home
