Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

At a minimum, you should say "thanks" for the reply and the thoughts. But if it were me I wouldn't try to gild the lilly, turn him into a recruit for Team Antlers, pry information from him.

Trying to preserve one's marriage is never "futile" -- which is to say (thanks to Mssrs. Webster and Merriam) it isn't an act that "serves no useful purpose."

That being said, however, one would want to be cautious about defining that "purpose." At a minimum, The Work -- and your demonstrated willingness to undertake The Work -- says something about Who You Are.

And it's never futile to lay that marker down. As my Good Christian Man Friend likes to say when ministering to me, heathen that I am, there is grace and nobility in what we do when we show our true colors, especially when the doing is difficult and challenging. You will live with it and know; they will live with it and know.

In my own sitch, this seems (mind-reading alert) to be one of the things that is sort of eating at WAW -- I'm not making it easy for her by accepting it. Which is weird but true. Resisting, fighting, being nasty -- all that would validate, affirm, justify, and rationalize. But by trying to live -- again, despite my heathenity -- with "grace and nobility".....well that just doesn't square with the WAW worldview.

But it makes things pretty great for me. So think about that, my friend -- if you're making things great for you, in what possible Bizzaro World could that be "futile"?

Hey SP.

Nah...I'm honestly not trying to get him to intercede for me. It's just nice to know that he's there, and still cares.

I agree...I don't think it's futile right now. DB'n does sereve a useful purpose.

I've done a lot of work, and I'll continue to do so...regardless. I am a better man already, and I'll continue to progress. I'm committed.

"There is grace and nobility in what we do when we show our true colors, especially when the doing is difficult and challenging." Absolutely, I agree! I'll live with it and know...but who do you mean by "they will live with it and know"?

I'm working on 'dropping that rope'...thanks to a great analogy from Coach. Living with grace and nobility is honorable...even for heathens! Too bad it doesn't sit well with her!

I'm really working at making things great for me...no futility in that! I'm keeping up with ya'...I hope you continue to get stronger, and I hope good things for ya'!